Sarge’s Delicatessen and Diner (New York)

I recently took my wife on a whirlwind trip to New York City to celebrate our 15th anniversary.  Before that, we had gone there for our 10th anniversary back in 2019, where I reviewed six restaurants, and before that, we were last there for our honeymoon in 2009.

We made the most of this recent trip —  we saw two shows together, and while she saw a third, I made off to attend New York Comic Con, where I got comics signed by beloved writers and artists and posed for a photo with my favorite actress, Carla Gugino.  Food-wise, we enjoyed a fancy anniversary meal, visited old favorites Ess-A-Bagel and Junior’s, and I took a trip to the Bronx to visit several iconic Italian delis along Arthur Avenue (which will be the subject of a future Saboscrivner ‘sclusive).

As great as my Arthur Avenue adventure was (spoiler alert!), my single favorite meal on this latest NYC trip was Sarge’s Delicatessen and Diner (https://sargesdeli.com/), and not just because I was back with my wife after a day apart from her, mostly spent waiting in long lines with fellow nerds.  Sarge’s is located in Manhattan’s Murray Hill neighborhood and first opened in 1964 — not as ancient as Katz’s Delicatessen, but still an impressive run.  You will see why shortly.

I should note that on past trips, we had always gone to the historic Katz’s, a Lower East Side landmark and tourist trap known for its legendary pastrami (and legendary chaos).  But since we’ve been more than once, and since I’ve had equally fine pastrami at Langer’s Delicatessen in Los Angeles and The Pastrami Project right here in Orlando since our last Katz’s visit, I wanted us to have a new New York deli experience.  People always say that the pastrami at Sarge’s may not be quite as good as Katz’s (maybe an 8 or 9 instead of a perfect 10), but the rye bread is better (it wouldn’t take much), the menu is larger, and the entire experience is a lot more pleasant and relaxing, with booths(!) and table service(!) and no long lines.  It sounded amazing, so off we went, reunited after spending our longest day in New York doing our own things.

We were seated right away by a lovely and patient server (try finding one of those at Katz’s!), and there were no long lines to get in nor any weird rituals with tickets.  My wife started the meal with a magnificent chocolate milkshake, while I opted for a cool, refreshing vanilla egg cream (no doubt made with Fox’s U-Bet vanilla syrup, which I always keep on hand back home).  I had just walked from the Jacob Javits Convention Center to the theater district to meet her as her show let out, so I probably would have been better off with delicious New York City tap water, but I was caught up in the moment.  
For those of you who never read my reviews, an egg cream contains neither eggs nor cream.  It is made with seltzer water, milk, and a flavored syrup — traditionally Fox’s U-Bet chocolate syrup, but I also love egg creams made with Fox’s U-Bet vanilla and coffee syrups.  As a result, they are more like a soda than a thick, heavy milkshake.  Sometimes I even enjoy one at the end of a heavy meal to aid with digestion, but tonight I opened with the egg cream.

Like any good deli, Sarge’s quickly brought out free plates of regular and half-sour pickles and fresh, cool, crunchy cole slaw.  I devoured the cole slaw and had one of each kind of pickle, and they were all terrific, especially as the first real food I had eaten all day.  

We were blessed with blissfully cool October weather on our trip, so my wife got one of her favorite Ashkenazi Jewish comfort foods: matzoh ball soup.  It was a huge bowl with one huge matzoh ball in the center, but no visible pieces of chicken, no vegetable, no noodles, just the ball.  She said it was amazing soup, and after trying a spoonful of broth, I concurred.  

She ordered half a pastrami sandwich with her soup, and she loved it as well.  As you can see, Sarge’s serves huge, overstuffed deli sandwiches, but the main difference between Sarge’s and Katz’s pastrami sandwich is that Katz’s hand-slices the pastrami, resulting in thicker slices, while Sarge’s uses a machine, ending up with the much thinner, uniform slices you see here.  

Whenever I visit a deli, whether it’s Jewish or Italian, I always try to sample as many different house specialties as I can, especially when I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it back.  I certainly hope to return to Sarge’s one day, but that didn’t stop me from ordering a Custom  Combo sandwich with three different meats: the excellent pastrami (on top), its underrated cousin corned beef (in the middle), which was equally great, and rolled beef (the darker meat on the bottom), a mysterious, mythical meat I had only ever heard of, but never seen available anywhere else.   For those inquiring, I made sure to deconstruct the sandwich to taste and truly appreciate each meat separately.  So what is rolled beef?  I wasn’t entirely sure, either before or after eating this heckin’ chonker of a sandwich, so of course I did some research and found a Tablet article about the history of rolled beef.  It is cured and smoked beef navel (similar to pastrami in that regard), but less fatty, less peppery, usually served cold, and traditionally a cheaper option at delis.  It was great, but I still prefer the perfection of pastrami in the pantheon of salted, cured meats.

And me being me, I saw onion rings on a menu and had to order them.  I always try onion rings wherever I am, and I review them in a recurring segment on this blog called RING THE ALARM!  Well, folks, I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but our server turned every head in the dining room when she walked out this titanic, tremendous tower,  this massive, monumental mountain of gorgeous, golden-brown batter-dipped onion rings.  It was almost too beautiful to eat.  Almost. 
Dear readers, you stalwart Saboscrivnerinos, I can say without hesitation that these were the absolute finest, worthiest, all-time best onion rings I’ve ever had in my life.  They narrowly beat another New York deli landmark, the aforementioned Junior’s, which previously held the prize with their similar style of onion rings.  These are crispy on the outside (not quite crunchy), and almost cakey on the inside — kind of like fluffy funnel cakes, but savory instead of sweet.  I’ve only ever encountered this style of onion rings at iconic Jewish delis, and it is definitely my favorite.

So that was our first-ever trip to Sarge’s Delicatessen and Diner, but hopefully not our last.  There are over 200 items to choose from on that vast and voluminous menu, and I doubt any of them would disappoint.  In addition to the deli sandwiches they are probably best known for, Sarge’s offers the usual smoked fish you would hope for from a good appetizing store (nova salmon, salty belly lox, smoked whitefish, and even fancy smoked sturgeon and sable, plus multiple varieties of herring), a full breakfast menu, hot dogs and burgers, all kinds of diner classics, and even beer, wine, and liquor.  If you’re looking for comfort food in Manhattan and want to enjoy it in actual comfort, as opposed to the tumult of Katz’s, Sarge’s is the place for you.  Tell ’em The Saboscrivner sent ya… and they’ll have no idea what you’re taking about!

Otto’s High Dive

Otto’s High Dive (https://www.ottoshd.com/) opened over a year ago in what I consider Orlando’s best foodie neighborhood, The Milk District.  The “neighborhood rum bar” quickly earned a Michelin Bib Gourmand award for “good quality, good value cooking.”  It is only open for dinner Tuesday through Saturday, but opens at 11 AM for brunch on Sundays (and is closed Mondays).  Because Otto’s serves oysters and other raw seafood plus Cuban food, I had been wanting to try it ever since it opened, but finally made it in there with my wife on a recent Sunday afternoon.  Neither of us drink, so we skipped the vast selection of rums and beautiful cocktails, but they looked really great, and I’m sure they were.  But we arrived hungry and came to play.

Unfortunately for us, we were seated at one of the tiniest two-top tables I’ve ever seen in a restaurant.  Even though we ordered a lot of food, it became a constant balancing act and rearranging game to make everything fit on the tiny table, to the point where plates were perched precariously as I tried to consolidate and stack everything I could.  It should have been a relaxing and fun lunch, but the space didn’t really allow for that.

My wife ordered a Coke, and it was cool that they brought an icy-cold bottle of Mexican Coke (made with real sugar rather than high fructose corn syrup) and a glass full of crystal-clear ice cubes with lime wedges.

We started out with the ceviche, with cubes of raw yellowfin tuna, avocado, watermelon, mustard seeds, basil-chili oil, a splash of mezcal, and “leche de tigre.”  Don’t worry, it isn’t real tiger’s milk (who would dare to milk a tiger?), but the citrus-based Peruvian marinade that “cooks” the raw fish in ceviche.  It usually includes lime juice, onion, different chile peppers, salt, and pepper.

This was the crab salad: beautiful fresh crabmeat, chilled and mixed with avocado, pineapple, and lime, and served with long, thin, crispy plantain chips for spreading and/or dipping.

It was a surprisingly generous portion:

This was the bread platter with slices of Cuban bread (not toasted or grilled or anything) and one little plantain muffin.  It was supposed to come with a third thing, but they said they were out of it, so they just left it off.  Spreads include whipped, salted butter and guava spread. and I’m sorry I don’t remember the third.  Neither of us would bother getting this again.

I was perfectly happy with all the seafood and snacks, but the main reason we finally went to Otto’s was because they serve a 14-ounce chargrilled Prime ribeye steak with a spiced coffee rub, and that sounded amazing to my wife.  She ordered it rare, like both of us always order our steaks, and it came out… very much NOT rare.  Neither of us like to be “those people” in a restaurant, but it was an expensive steak, so we politely asked to send it back because it wasn’t rare.

At that point, the chef came out of the kitchen and told us that they use a sous vide machine to cook the ribeye, so it should have been rare, but trust me, it wasn’t, and we told him as much.  Then he offered to cook the skirt steak rare with the coffee rub so it could take on the flavors she was looking for, since I guess they don’t sous vide that cut.  My wife agreed, and she got this huge and lovely coffee-rubbed skirt steak with tostones, white rice, and excellent black beans, plus some pickled onions sliced paper-thin on top that I happily ate. 

I didn’t get a good picture of the interior of the skirt steak until we heated up the leftovers at home, but that’s how we like our steaks to look inside.   
Sadly, my wife still would have preferred the ribeye done to her satisfaction.  That whole exchange shook us both, and even though we didn’t feel great about sending the ribeye back in the first place, a restaurant charging those prices, with a damn Michelin Bib Gourmand award, maybe should not put polite customers on the defensive like that.

This was  rich duck fat bordelaise, garlicky chimichurri, and red pepper sofrito that came with the skirt steak.  All three were delicious, especially with the Cuban bread.

Being a glutton (as well as a glutton for punishment, apparently), I ordered a side of broccolini, one of my favorite vegetables, which was the seasonal vegetable during our visit.  It was charred and topped with a romesco sauce that was really good.

I don’t think Otto’s High Dive has its dessert menu online, so I snapped a photo of it:

We decided on the toasted coconut rum cake, brown butter cake served with coconut lime curd.  It was soaked with rum and set ablaze, which is always fun.  It was delicious, and we chose wisely here, but I remain curious about the Florida orange tres leches too.

And this was a quesito that I hastily added on.  It was a perfectly fine little pastry, but I admit I’ve had better at places like Zaza and Vicky Bakery.

So as if it wasn’t already painfully obvious, The Saboscrivner knows how to party.  The food was good to great, but I admit it wasn’t the best time, and I don’t think I’d go back.  Maybe Otto’s High Dive would be more fun and less stressful if you’re drinking.  Then you might not care if all the plates don’t fit on your table, your steak is overcooked, and the chef gets big mad for politely, diplomatically standing up for yourself.  But the place is a big hit, so try it for yourself and see what you think!  Or don’t.

Rion’s Ocean Room

I was lucky enough to attend a recent soft opening of Rion’s Ocean Room (https://www.rionsoceanroom.com/), the new Hawaiian poke-by-the-pound establishment owned and operated by Orlando restauranteur Sonny Nguyen, who brought us the high-class ramen joint Domu and swanky izakaya Tori Tori, a standout in the Mills 50 District.  Rion’s Ocean Room joins the original Domu in the East End Market, Orlando’s first food hall, a mainstay of the Audubon Park neighborhood and home of other beloved local favorites like La Femme Du Fromage, Hinckley’s Fancy Meats, Dochi, and Gideon’s Bakehouse.

I already love poke (I remain a huge fan of Poke Hana in Mills 50), but I was so excited to get a new poke joint that serves it the way they do in Hawaiian shops and supermarkets — kind of like an ice cream parlor, with all the varieties of fresh raw seafood diced into small cubes and pre-mixed with sauces and other ingredients, on display inside a glass case, ready to be scooped out by the pound.  It’s just a counter inside the East End Market food hall — not a restaurant with its own seating, although there are plenty of outdoor tables.  Rion’s Instagram page even describes it as “no frills,” but that’s fine with me.  I order a lot of takeout, especially now that I work from home and don’t make it to Orlando’s best dining neighborhoods as often.

But when one of my best foodie friends invited me to this friends-and-family soft opening event, I jumped at the opportunity.  I even got to meet Sonny Nguyen for the first time, complimented him on his past successes, and wished him the best of all things with Rion’s Ocean Room.  It opens to the general public this coming Tuesday, October 29, 2024, and trust me — it’s going to be Orlando’s next big hit.

Here were all the different poke options on display, under glass, like gleaming gems in a jewelry store.  The menu (which includes prices) explains that the ahi tuna is from the North Atlantic Ocean, the salmon is from Scotland, the ono (wahoo) is from the Caribbean Sea, and the shrimp is from northeast Florida.

The friends-and-family soft opening allowed us to choose the equivalent of one pound of poke, but we had a few options for that.  I chose a rice bowl with two scoops of two different poke styles, and so did the two friends I went with.  This was mine, adorned with ahi tuna in a spicy yuzu sauce and “lava flow” salmon in spicy mayo with tobiko (tiny, salty, crunchy flying fish roe).  I also opted for krab salad with shredded surimi in mayo, extra tobiko, and scallions to adorn the top of my rice bowl.  It was so cool and fresh and refreshing, which is what I love about poke the most.

Here are the poke rice bowls my dining companions and I got.  Mine is the one on the right.  My good friend got the creamy garlic shrimp (bottom left), which is actually cooked, unlike the fish.  There was also a hot garlic shrimp to choose from.  Any of these combinations would be a delicious, filling, and satisfying lunch or dinner.

But I still had more choices to make, so beyond my rice bowl, I chose two quarter-pound containers of additional poke to go.  I tried to pick two non-spicy styles so my wife would enjoy them too, back at home.  This was paina ono: a raw fish also known as wahoo, mixed with shoyu (soy) sauce, a type of citrus called yuzu, and shredded surimi krab:

And this was Hawaiian tobiko salmon, tossed with onions, scallions, sesame seeds, and plenty of the flying fish roe.

I was even lucky because my generous friend was off to a few more stops after our visit to Rion’s Ocean Room, so he gave me his poke containers to take home with me.  I asked “Are you sure?”, but when he said yes, I didn’t push back any further and graciously accepted the bonus bounty.  He hooked me up with his ahi tuna in spicy mayo with tobiko (one of my favorite poke combinations):

And this was a “wasabi furikake medley,” a combination of ahi tuna and salmon with soy sauce, sinus-clearing wasabi horseradish, and furikake, a seasoning blend of dried seaweed flakes and sesame seeds, which was also delicious:

Rion’s sells little bags of Deep River Sweet Maui Onion kettle chips, which work perfectly for dipping and scooping into the various poke varieties.  I consider myself a potato chip connoisseur (certainly a dubious distinction, but I review them in my various Tight Chips reviews), but somehow, I had never tried this flavor before.  I love onions, and I love sweet and salty together, so it was a winner.  And I’m also a big dipper (heh), so I appreciated having the firm, crunchy, strongly seasoned kettle chips to sample with my poke.

They also sell Hawaiian Sun fruit drinks, so I treated myself to a can of strawberry lilikoi.  Lilikoi is passion fruit, one of my favorite fruit flavors, which I have trouble turning down in any form.  With how salty, fishy, and spicy the poke party turned out to be (especially with the Sweet Maui Onion chips), it was nice to have a sweet, cold, fruity drink to wash it all down.

Stalwart Saboscrivnerinos, I cannot rave enough about Rion’s Ocean Room.  This fish was so fresh, so delicious, so perfectly seasoned in every form and style, you’re in for a treat.  I fully admit to liking raw fish much more than cooked fish, so your mileage may vary, but if you like sushi, trust me — you’ll also fall in love with poke.  The flavors, the textures, and the refreshing coolness will whisk you away to Hawaii, if only for a few minutes while you’re blissfully devouring the artful combinations at Rion’s.  It’s also quite healthy, especially if you eschew the spicy mayo mixes and skip the rice, potato chips, and sweet drinks.

I am famous for my obsession with delis, sandwiches, and cured meats, but those are “sometimes foods” that you can’t indulge in all the time.  Poke, on the other hand, is as wholesome as it is delicious.  I would and could happily eat it weekly, if not even more often.  I’m so glad Sonny Nguyen has gifted Orlando with Rion’s Ocean Room — one more option for poke in town, and probably the most authentic Hawaiian-style poke of all.  Every staff member I spoke to was incredibly warm, friendly, and full of useful information, so if you have questions, they will be more than happy to answer them and put your mind at ease.

I look forward to becoming a regular, and I hope to see YOU there!  If you’re another pokeholic, what are your favorite fish and combinations for poke?  Let me know!

The Taproom at Dubsdread

I moved to Orlando almost 20 years ago, the day after Thanksgiving in 2004, so I feel a bit like a local.  I like to think I know the best places to eat, even though there are always new hotspots and a handful of old classics I have yet to visit.  One of them, one of the oldest and most classic Orlando restaurants of all, is The Taproom at Dubsdread  (https://taproomatdubsdread.com/), the 100-year-old restaurant at Dubsdread Country Club, nestled between Winter Park and downtown Orlando.  I had always heard great things about the food, but I avoided it for the better part of my two decades here, despite loving old, historic restaurants.  In a city that isn’t known for its history, you’d think I would have checked it out long before now, but the whole “country club” thing kept me away.

I fully admit to being a bit of a class warrior, taking pride in my middle class origins and silently (or sometimes not so silently) judging and resenting the wealthy.  Growing up listening to punk and hip hop and watching the Marx Brothers, the Three Stooges, and “slobs versus snobs” comedies like Trading Places, Caddyshack, and Animal House probably had a lot to do with that.  My parents were even more influential on my class consciousness — two career public school teachers who lived simply, refused to spend beyond their means, felt like they had nothing to prove to anyone, and rarely treated themselves to anything.  To me, a restaurant at a country club felt like another world I probably wouldn’t be welcome in (and that my parents would probably disapprove of anyway), so I rejected it before it could possibly reject me.  I spent all my time in Orlando avoiding the beloved landmark Taproom at Dubsdread until a work colleague and friend who I think the world of invited me to lunch there.  I figured this would be my chance to finally check it out and write an unbiased review for my blog.  As the guest of a classy, professional woman, I would be less likely to get into trouble with a snooty maitre d’, a judgmental valet, a surly golfer, or a society matron who resembled Margaret Dumont.

And it was a perfectly nice restaurant, much warmer and more welcoming than I expected.  If anything, it was a lot less pretentious and highbrow than Hillstone or Seasons 52, those upscale chains.  They didn’t even have valet parking, and the hostess and server were really nice.

My colleague ordered the fresh apple and bacon grilled cheese sandwich, which came with Tillamook cheddar, Emmenthaler Swiss, almonds, and fig preserves, plus a side order of fries.  It looked really nice, and it inspired me to invite her to the incredible La Femme Du Fromage later on, since I already knew she liked fancy grilled cheese sandwiches. 

We must have met for lunch on a Wednesday, since that is the day they offer a chilled lobster and shrimp roll sandwich as a lunch special.  I always appreciate a good lobster roll.  I had the best one ever twelve years ago at Neptune Oyster in Boston’s North End neighborhood, and I’ve been chasing that high ever since.  This one didn’t quite reach those euphoric heights, but it was still really nice and refreshing, served on the traditional split-top bun and served with a side of onion rings — the “good kind,” as far as I’m concerned, with their golden beer battered exterior. So RING THE ALARM, constant readers — you can get a side order of really good onion rings at a country club restaurant, and for only $4!  They’re on the menu and everything; I wasn’t like that rube in the commercial who said “Would ya please pass the jelly?”, embarrassing himself at a fancy dinner party, asking Chef for something lowbrow that they normally wouldn’t serve.  Great lunch, great company, great restaurant.  I thought even my in-laws might like it, and they don’t like most places.

I returned to the Taproom at Dubsdread more recently during Magical Dining Month, when many Orlando restaurants offer a reasonably priced prix fixe menu with a few different appetizer, entrée, and dessert choices to mix and match, where a portion of the final bill goes to help local charities.  This time I went for dinner with two very cool friends, a truly glamorous couple who share my love of good food, but we hadn’t had a chance to get together in years.  They were great company, as always, and even challenged me to take better food photos than I usually take.  We’ll see if their coaching and constructive criticism helped here — you tell me, stalwart Saboscrivnerinos!

We started with bread for the table, which I didn’t know about when I met my colleague for lunch, but now I know… and knowing is half the battle.  The bread was like ciabatta, and the butter was whipped for easy spreading, which I always appreciate.  Nobody likes frozen butter that can’t be spread!
Being true foodies, we shared everything throughout this magical meal.

These were buffalo shrimp (not mine), served with some celery sticks.  I forgot if the dip was bleu cheese or ranch, but the shrimp were nice, with a slightly crunchy exterior and that mild acidity you get from buffalo sauce.

These were Italian meatballs (also not mine), but the owner was very generous and willing to share.  I would have been happy to have meatballs like this over a bowl of pasta or in a sub, and I liked that the tomato sauce was chunky and not watery. 

I ordered house-made potato chips topped with crumbled bleu cheese, scallions, and balsamic glaze, a delicious dish that was perfect for sharing.  The chips were crunchy, not limp, overly greasy, or even overly salty.  Of course, balsamic glaze makes everything better, and I’ve really gotten into bleu cheese lately.

For our entrees, someone ordered a bone-in pork chop that looked good:

And two of us, myself included, ordered prime rib.  I like my steaks and prime rib RARE, and I was thrilled that the Taproom at Dubsdread took me seriously.  Too many places blast a beautiful piece of meat far beyond rare because they don’t believe us and think we’ll send it back for being underdone.  Nope, this is how I like it, especially with lots of creamy horseradish sauce for dipping — the more fiery and sinus-clearing, the better. The mashed potatoes scooped beneath were pretty nondescript.  They could have used sour cream and/or cream cheese, bits of the potato skin, onions, or something else to liven them up, but sliding them around in the meat drippings helped resuscitate them a little.

The late, great Russell Jones, aka Big Baby Jesus, aka Dirt McGirt, aka Ol’ Dirty Bastard, famously warbled, “Oh baby, I like it RAAAAAAW!”  Well, this prime rib was rare rather than raw, and oh baby, that’s how I like it.

It was time for dessert!  I did not order this brownie sundae, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, and whipped cream served over a warm brownie, but it looked really good.  How can you go wrong with something like this?

Two of us opted for the key lime pie, which is always one of my favorite desserts, and the Taproom makes an excellent version.  The very smooth, shiny topping was more tart than the rest of the creamy filling below, and I loved it.  I go nuts for citrus desserts that are sweet and creamy but also tart, and too often, bakers are afraid to go tart enough. 

So I would definitely recommend the Taproom at Dubsdread for a nice lunch or dinner, whether you’re some kind of jet-setting big shot with a sweater tied around your neck or an anti-establishment outsider who wants to subvert every dominant paradigm you’ve ever encountered.  I’m glad I finally realized that a country club restaurant could be perfectly pleasant, without running into unpleasant stock characters from old-timey slapstick flicks or ’80s comedies from boomer filmmakers.  And enjoying two meals with friends didn’t make me part of any System, so I still feel like the cool(?), nonconformist iconoclast I will always be.

Sourdough Bread House

Hey, I guess I still write this blog!  It has been a while, but I really want to spread the good word about Sourdough Bread House (https://www.sourdoughbreadhouse.com/), tucked away in an easy-to-miss spot on State Road 17-92 in Casselberry, alongside the flyover that bridges State Road 436.  This lovely Turkish café sits in the shadow of a mostly-abandoned shopping center that used to house Bed Bath and Beyond and Staples, although both closed in the last year or two.  I live in Casselberry, which often feels exactly like the “chain restaurant hell” that I promise my readers Orlando really isn’t, but that’s why small, locally owned and operated restaurants like Sourdough Bread House need our support and love, because that’s what they share with the community.

I had been popping in for years to buy the occasional large, round, dense loaf of perfect sourdough bread, which is always a big hit in our house.

Whether you use it for savory sandwiches or sweet spreads, it is some of the best bread you can buy in the Orlando area, and some of the best sourdough I’ve ever had anywhere.  They serve it with sour cherry preserves at the restaurant, which you can also buy in jars, and we have done that too!

But beyond the bread, my wife and I recently started eating the occasional late breakfast or early lunch at Sourdough Bread House, and I had to shout about these wonderful meals from the virtual rooftops.

We might be Xennials, those sad, rootless kids who don’t fit in as either Generation X or Millennials, but my wife sure is a sucker for avocado toast when it shows up on breakfast menus.  And while it is the easiest thing to make at home, I already mentioned the namesake sourdough bread at Sourdough Bread House cannot be missed.  The huge, thick, lightly toasted slice comes slathered with avocado, shredded mozzarella cheese, halved grape tomatoes, arugula, olive oil, and pomegranate molasses — a wonderful recent discovery of mine that can be used for many of the same purposes for which you’d use balsamic glaze.  My wife isn’t into tomatoes, so I got those, but she loved everything else. She added on a single perfectly fried, over-easy egg for some extra protein.

Keep in mind you can get more traditional American breakfast items here too, including French toast (sourdough, of course) and pancakes, but because the owners are Turkish, they serve beef bacon rather than traditional pork bacon.

Me being me, I have a hard time saying no to sandwiches and combination platters, so I went for the cold meat plate, which was quite the funky cold meat plate.  I got two huge slices of toasted sourdough bread cut into four equal pieces, and they were topped with roast beef, pastrami, smoked turkey, and beef bacon — all cold, as promised.  I think roast beef and turkey sandwiches are perfect blank slates that can be magical hot or cold.  Pastrami is almost always served hot at delis, but I didn’t mind it at all being served cold here, just like good revenge.  And while bacon is also usually served hot, I loved the cold beef bacon the most of all four meats.  (It’s the one with the beautiful streaks of marbling in the bottom left below.)  I think if it was served hot, I would have missed out on the subtlety of the textures and flavors.  My hot take is that regular porky bacon is sometimes a bit overrated because it can be rubbery or burnt to a crisp, but this beautiful, beguiling beef bacon hit different.  I’m guessing most people haven’t tried it yet, so now’s your chance — run, don’t walk.   Finally, the small white dish above was a side order of a Turkish sausage called soudjouk, which ended up being kind of like sliced pepperoni, but made of beef instead of pork.  The beef bacon was still the king of this platter.While all four of these open-faced mini-sandwiches would have benefitted from a swipe of good mustard (and you can guess I have quite a collection at home, being a maven of mustard with my Cutting the Mustard reviews), I was able to add a schmear of ezme to them — the stuff in the tiny black dish above.  It is a Turkish dip made of tomatoes, bell peppers, and spicier peppers, and I really love it on any Turkish restaurant menu.  It also came with a teeny-tiny side of fruit — a few wee chunks of honeydew melon and a single piece of pineapple (in the small white dish in the bottom right above).

We returned about a week later, and this time my wife ordered the quinoa salad, with mixed greens, quinoa (of course), cubed avocado, dried apricots, and curried sunflower seeds.  It is dressed with olive oil, pomegranate molasses, dried dill (an herb she likes more than I do), oregano, and of course, a slice of sourdough bread. 

Here’s a close-up of the lovely salad.  I’m not the biggest quinoa fan in the world, but my wife loves it, and so does one of my favorite filmmakers and creative people, a man with a nightmarish imagination but the most wholesome personality ever, the pride of Missoula, Montana, the legendary David Lynch.  Here’s a video of him making quinoa that always brings me joy.  I could listen to him tell stories and make quinoa all day.  

My wife added on a side order of delicious smoked salmon, which we both love.  This was like typical cold-smoked nova salmon, the kind you’d get at a bagel bakery, appetizing store, or most supermarkets.  It is one of my favorite things to eat in the world.

And I’m a simple man, so I got a breakfast sandwich with two eggs, cheddar cheese, and beef bacon on sourdough (natch), because I had been thinking about that beef bacon since our previous visit.I had a few thoughts about this sandwich, because of course I do:
1. It was good, BUT…
2. I like American cheese much more than cheddar on breakfast sandwiches with egg and a salty meat.
3. The beef bacon was good hot, but I like it even better served cold.
4. It desperately needed an acidic ingredient to balance the salt and fat — ideally mustard and/or something spicy!  (I saved half to finish at home, where you can bet I “plussed it up.”)
5. This bread would have been better toasted, grilled, or pressed like a panini.  (And yes, I toasted that other half.)

But aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?  No, I kid, I kid, it was good!  We live close to the Sourdough Bread House, so we’re going to become regulars, either popping in for takeout or just bread or enjoying a leisurely late breakfast, since my workdays start later now.  This is a real treasure, especially in Casselberry, where any truly interesting, unique, singular restaurants usually don’t last long because the locals seem to prefer fast food and familiar chains.  Trust me — this is worthy of a longer drive from elsewhere around Orlando, and you won’t be sorry!  I just hope you like sourdough bread, but even on the off chance you don’t, you would still probably find something wonderful on the menu.

Mazzaro’s Italian Market (St. Petersburg)

Mazzaro’s Italian Market (https://www.mazzarosmarket.com/), located in mainland St. Petersburg, Florida (not on St. Pete Beach) is to me what Walt Disney World is to most people — a land of magic and wonders, an expensive way to have a grand time, and if not the happiest place on Earth, then one of the happiest places in Florida for sure.

The market is huge — not quite as large as a Publix-style supermarket, or even as big as the two-story Eataly in Chicago, but much larger than Orlando’s beloved Stasio’s Italian Deli and Market or even the new D’Amico & Sons Italian Market and Bakery.  (Honestly, I enjoy it so much more than the very corporate and bougie Eataly.)  It seems to sprawl on forever, with a wine room, a cheese room, a cafe, a gelato area, counters for freshly made sandwiches, deli meats and cheese sliced to order, hot prepared foods, fresh pasta, and this scenic bakery to your left when you enter, where everything is made from scratch, like almost everything else in Mazzaro’s.  It is always crowded, so you’ll have to jostle your way through the narrow, mazelike aisles.  Midwesterners, prepare to say “Ope!” a lot, while New Yawkers might prefer “Eyyy, I’m walkin’ here!”

Back in 2022, my wife chose this simple cannoli from the bakery, with the crispy-crunchy pastry shell piped full of rich, sweet cream and dipped into crushed pistachios.

This was a gorgeous sfogliatelle, a delicate shell-shaped pastry made of dozens of crispy layers of dough, with cream in the middle (usually a bit lemony), dusted with powdered sugar so it looks more like it came from Miami than St. Petersburg.  Luckily, one can get  sfogliatelle in Orlando now, at Stasio’s or D’Amico & Sons, but on a rare pilgrimage to Mazzaro’s, you have to try everything you can.  One of my favorite food-related activities is “Dare… To Compare!”, and this pastry shell will make you yell “Shell yeah!”

Hilariously, my wife calls sfogliatelle “schmuckatelli.”  I could listen to her say that all day.

I don’t even remember what this thing was!  Some sort of fruity center, for sure.

Heck, we brought these two sugar-topped beauties home with us last month, and I don’t remember what they were either!

My wife is a sucker for a good New York style black and white cookie, which are more like cake when done right, with the slightest hint of lemon underneath the rich, shiny icing.  This one, from our most recent visit last month, was as good as any we’ve gotten from New York bagel shops, bakeries, and delis.

As I said, Mazzaro’s is almost always crowded, but never moreso on Fridays or Saturdays, where everyone feels packed in like a certain tinned fish I love.  That may be a reason the store seems so large, because it takes so long to traverse and even longer to take it all in.  When you finally make it past the bakery, weaving through equally overwhelmed shoppers experiencing sensory overload in that maze of shelves for non-perishable groceries, you will find yourself faced with a plethora of options for fresh pasta, prepared foods, and deli sandwiches.

Here are just a few of the fresh filled pastas to choose from, which you can order by the pound.

There is a large refrigerated case with more handmade pasta already rationed and weighed in convenient containers.

I’ve never ordered any of the prepared foods because I’m always just passing through, but if you lived locally, you could easily take care of dinner for a single person, a couple, a small family, or even a big party.  Yes,  for those in the St. Pete area, Mazzaro’s caters as well, and I have to imagine you would be the host with the most or the hostess with the mostest if you brought in their fine fare.

My wife doesn’t share my obsession with Italian subs or sandwiches in general, so on our 2022 trip, she ordered this pair of lobster and seafood rolls from the deli counter.  She prefers lobster rolls served warm with butter (Connecticut style), whereas I prefer them served cold with mayo and a little bit of diced celery for crunch (Maine style), and that’s what these were.  I ended up eating the vast majority of these, which was fine with me. On our return in 2024, she remembered this was not the way (at least not for her), so she ordered a grilled caprese sandwich, with tomato, fresh basil, fresh mozzarella, and pesto spread on grilled Italian bread, and devoured it with gusto on Mazzaro’s covered patio, despite not liking fresh tomatoes or sandwiches that much.  I didn’t even get a photo of it!

This is Mazzaro’s tried-and-true #1 from our 2022 visit: ham, Genoa salami, capicola, mortadella, provolone cheese, Romaine lettuce, tomatoes, onion, roasted peppers, Italian slaw, and oil  and vinegar  on fresh-baked Italian bread from a wood-fired oven.  It’s a magnificent Italian sub, and I say that with pride and authority, since an Italian sub may just be my favorite meal (and is definitely my favorite sandwich).The Italian slaw is no joke, adding a tangy, vinegary crunch to the sub.  More places should experiment with different kinds of cabbage slaw on sandwiches.

I had to get another #1 when we returned in 2024, and I asked for this one on a softer hoagie roll to try it a little different.  I actually preferred it this way, because my one minor complaint about Mazzaro’s sandwiches is that sometimes the bread is a little burnt on the outside (see above).

If you recognize our familiar plates from dozens of takeout reviews, it’s because I always order these sandwiches and bring them home with me, rather than do the two and a half hour drive on a full stomach.  I will enjoy them more in the comfort of my own home, and it gives the intense flavors time to marry and marinate.  Usually I bring a cooler when I know I’ll be stopping by Mazzaro’s.

And I can’t go to Mazzaro’s without also ordering a #7 for later.  This sandwich is both beauty and beast, with prosciutto di Parma, sweet soppressata, hot capicola, marinated sun-dried tomatoes (one of my favorite ingredients in sandwiches, salads, and sauces), and fresh mozzarella on a ciabatta roll.  Both the #1 and #7 sandwiches taste even better after a drive back to Orlando and a night in the fridge. 

Here’s my latest #7 from our most recent visit in July 2024.  The outside of the ciabatta roll was overdone, but the interior ingredients are so good, the sandwich couldn’t possibly be ruined.

I also brought home three different, interesting salumi, so we could have a little salami as a treat: a bison salami from Angel’s Salumi & Truffles (no truffles for us, though!), a venison, pork, and pinot noir salami from Driftless Provisions, and a “bonfire cider” salami from Short Creek Farms (which I don’t see on their website, so here are all the salami).

The one disappointment for me, even though it sounded like a can’t-miss delicacy, were these prosciutto “chips,” made in house by Mazzaro’s.  Prosciutto might be my favorite meat ever, and it is definitely one of the finest things you can make out of pork.  However, a major part of its appeal is getting it sliced paper-thin so it almost melts in your mouth, with a pleasant chewiness.  These crispy, crunchy strips lost that experience, although fans of crunchy bacon might like them more than I did.

I could have run amok a lot more on this most recent visit, but the relentlessly hangry crowds seriously stress out my poor wife.  I resolved to go without her next time, whether I’m coming or going from St. Pete, so I can linger longer without guilt and she can be spared the entire hectic experience.

As much as I appreciate the Italian markets in and around Orlando, there is nothing like a trip to Mazzaro’s, which is why I’ve been recommending it to St. Petersburg locals and tourists alike for years (and even recommending Orlando denizens consider it for a day trip, because it is that rad).  Heck, I wish I could pop over there right now, but I’m writing this on a Sunday evening, and it wouldn’t be open anyway.  For such a popular place, they have pretty limited hours, so review them in advance so you don’t schlep over there and end up disappointed:

Mon-Fri: 9am-5pm
Saturday: 9am-2:30pm
Sunday: Closed

And if you’re already a “Mazzaro’s Adult” (not quite the same as a Disney Adult, am I right?), let me know what your can’t-miss favorites are for my next visit, whenever that might be.

CLOSED: Chain Reactions: Torchy’s Tacos

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Torchy’s Tacos locations in the Orlando area, including this one I reviewed, all closed in early February 2026.

***

Torchy’s Tacos (https://torchystacos.com/) is a fast-casual Tex-Mex chain founded in Austin, Texas, with over 90 locations across 16 states.  All my Texan friends love it, and so does my supervisor in Los Angeles, who recently tried a location in Arizona for the first time.  I had heard about Torchy’s for many years and was excited to hear they were starting to open in Florida.  This past Friday, I brought my wife to the Altamonte Springs location, which opened a few months ago, for our first taste of Torchy’s.  I bring home takeout a lot more often than we dine out, but looking through the online menu in advance and seeing photos, the intricate tacos from Torchy’s looked like they would be a lot better enjoyed immediately, on the premises.  I’m glad we did it that way, because I’m not sure they would have traveled well.

We arrived around 3:00 in the afternoon after a matinee movie and an ice cream snack at the Jeni’s in Winter Park Village (excellent ice cream), but it was my first real meal of the day, and I was hungry.  Tacos at Torchy’s aren’t cheap, ranging between $5 and $7 each, but I had a gift card burning a hole in my wallet, so we both had some fun.  Normally I’d be taken aback at those prices compared to so many wonderful, amazing, authentic Mexican taquerias in and around Orlando that are much cheaper (like my beloved Francisco’s Taco Madness and Tortas El Rey), but I’m pleased to say the deeply inauthentic creations at Torchy’s were all very fresh and tasty.

I was also very pleased that they walked our tacos out of the kitchen to our table, one or two at a time, and the guy very patiently identified what each one was — perfect for people like us who ordered a bunch of stuff without keeping track of it all in the moment.

This was the Brushfire, with spicy Jamaican jerk chicken, grilled jalapenos, diced mango, sour cream, and cilantro on a soft flour tortilla, served with fiery Diablo sauce on the side.  I thought the chicken was a little dry, but very well-seasoned. 

On the left, you see the Republican, a cheddar-jalapeno sausage topped with pico de gallo salsa, cheddar jack cheese, and creamy, spicy poblano pepper sauce on a soft flour tortilla.  It was delicious and delightful, two words I would usually never use to describe anything Republican-related.   On the right, I got the Trailer Park, with fried white meat chicken, shredded lettuce, pico de gallo salsa, green chiles, cheddar jack, and the same poblano sauce on the same flour tortilla.  There wasn’t a lot of chicken in this one, and I probably would have skipped it completely due to how similar it was to the Republican, which had more flavor and interesting texture from the snappy sausage.  But I got sensory overload while ordering at the counter, so that’s how I ended up with both of these.

These are both fried avocado tacos (one for each of us), with crispy breaded and fried avocado (the hell, you say!), refried pinto beans, shredded lettuce, pico de gallo, cheddar jack, and poblano sauce — another very similar taco, aided by the pleasant crispiness of the avocado — but on corn tortillas this time.  This might have been my favorite taco of all the ones I tried.  The combination really hits different, especially with that poblano sauce. 

This was the Crossroads, with smoked beef brisket, grilled onions, pickled jalapenos, cilantro, avocado, shredded pepper jack cheese, and tomatillo sauce on a fresh corn tortilla.  I got really full and didn’t get to this one until the next day, back at home, where it was still quite tasty.

My wife also chose these two tacos.  The Mr. Orange on the left (I’m assuming named after Tim Roth’s character in Reservoir Dogs) contained blackened salmon, grilled corn and black bean relish (a very nice touch she appreciated), crumbled cotija cheese, avocado sauce, cilantro, and a lime wedge on a corn tortilla.  I was worried the salmon might be either too dry or too fishy, but she loved it and gave me a little piece, which was better than I expected.   On the right, she got the Democrat, with shredded beef barbacoa, avocado, cotija cheese, onions, cilantro, and tomatillo sauce on another corn tortilla.  I don’t know how the Torchy’s folks came up with what goes into the Republican versus the Democrat, but at least they were good combinations of ingredients.

We both really enjoyed Torchy’s Tacos, and it lived up to the hype.  I should note that they are famous for breakfast tacos, but I didn’t feel like adding a bunch of eggs to my tacos for that very late lunch.  I was pleasantly surprised that they also had fresh lemonade, although they add turmeric to it for some reason.  But it was a scorching hot afternoon (aren’t they all?), so I couldn’t refuse, and it was perfectly fine.  We would go back, and with so many options for tacos in and around Orlando, that’s a big compliment right there, even with the prices being what they are.  A lot of places aren’t worth a return trip, but the Torchy’s empire has expanded for a reason.  Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican (or want to order those particular tacos or not), give it a shot, and I think you’ll find you can agree on liking the food, if nothing else.

Dough Boyz Pizzeria

Dough Boyz Pizzeria (https://doughboyzpizzaoviedo.com/) is located in a small, nondescript strip plaza in Oviedo, near the intersection of Aloma Avenue and Tuskawilla Road, just west of State Road 417.  It is a few doors down from Ramen Takagi, a Saboscrivner favorite and home of the best tonkotsu ramen in the Orlando area.  It is also a few moments from another newer discovery I enjoyed earlier this year, Alma Argentina.

Like any good New York-style pizzeria, Dough Boyz offers pizza by the slice, which is my preferred way to try any new pizzeria.  While I was bringing home a whole pie, I had to try a plain cheese slice, crispy and warm from the oven, while I was still on the premises.  To me, that’s the best way to get an idea of any pizzeria at its best.  I ate this huge slice in the car, and it did not disappoint.  It was the perfect blend of crispy and chewy, with nice robust sauce (not too acidic nor too sweet), melty mozzarella, and a thin crust that wasn’t burnt to a crisp.  It was a little floppy, but that doesn’t bother me at all.  

But this was the main event that I brought home, the grandma Sicilian, a thin-crust square pizza that is already pretty unique, because most Sicilian pizzas in my experience are thick and on the chewy side, with crispy bottoms and edges from cooking in a pan.  Dough Boyz does that thicker Sicilian style too, but this was one hot grandma!  It was topped with their house-made plum tomato sauce, fresh mozzarella (it’s fun to call it “MOOT-sa-DELL”), and homemade pesto sauce — a perfect combination.  The only things I could have possibly added to edge this pizza pie further into pie-fection would have been some fresh basil leaves and a swirl of balsamic glaze.  But I can’t complain, because it was a little slice of heaven — or more like twelve huge, rectangular slices of heaven.

A major reason I wanted to try Dough Boyz, out of all the friendly neighborhood pizzerias in every single strip plaza around here, was because they sell cheesecake from a local baker based in DeBary, Florida, Cheesecake Chino’s.  I haven’t met Chino himself, but I have interacted with him online, and I wanted to try his New York-style cheesecake to compare it to familiar ones like Publix, the Factory, and my personal favorite cheesecake, from the New York-based Junior’s. The slice I got reminded me more of Junior’s than any other cheesecake I’ve had, and I mean that in the best possible way.  It was a plain, dense slice with no toppings or additional flavors (fine with me), with the slight tangy tartness I crave from cheesecake, and an interesting chocolate crust, rather than a more typical graham cracker crust (or the weird cakey crust Junior’s uses, which is maybe the only thing I don’t love about their cheesecakes).  It was very good, and I would be really interested in trying some other varieties from Cheesecake Chino’s in the future.  I’m always thrilled to support local bakers, just as I love supporting local restaurants.

Two weeks had not passed before I returned to Dough Boyz for another takeout mission.  I had not seen arancini on the menu, but when I arrived at the restaurant and saw them, I had to order one for my wife.  She loves these things: a ball of creamy rice stuffed with seasoned ground beef and peas, rolled in seasoned bread crumbs and fried to perfection: crispy on the outside and soft and yielding on the inside.  If you’ve ever had a Cuban papa rellena, it’s surprisingly similar, just with risotto instead of mashed potatoes.
It came with a dipping cup of marinara, but she wanted nothing to do with that, so I had something to dip my pizza crusts in.  Score!

I ordered an eggplant rollatini pizza for us to share over the next few days — a classic New York-style pie with plum tomato sauce, “special blend” ricotta cheese, and thin slices of breaded and fried eggplant, but no mozzarella cheese.  My wife likes eggplant and especially eggplant rollatini more than I do, but I ended up liking this pizza more than she did.  I know she doesn’t share my red sauce obsession, but I think Dough Boyz has a particularly good, fresh-tasting tomato sauce, and I’m not at all surprised that they make it in-house.

And after trying the thin crust Grandma Sicilian last time, I had to go back for the thicc Brooklyn Sicilian this time.  I would have settled for a slice, but they didn’t have any Sicilian slices left, so I sprang for a whole pie, knowing I’d make it last over several days.  It started out with twelve slices, but I HOUSED three of them before remembering to take this photo.  I loooove Sicilian pizza, you guys.  I used to get slices at Cozzoli’s Pizza in the Dadeland Mall food court in suburban Kendall as a kid, and that’s how my love affair with rectangular, pillowy-soft, crispy-edged  Sicilian pizza started, in the early ’80s in Miami.
This Brooklyn is slightly different from other Sicilian pizzas I’ve had elsewhere (including from Orlando-area mainstays Valdiano, Del Dio, Paradiso, and Antonella’s) because the chunky, robust tomato sauce is applied on top of the mozzarella and provolone cheeses, and then the whole thing is topped with oregano, grated parmesan cheese, and olive oil.  It makes it messier to eat, but really, really good.   I have always said that the sauce is usually the most ignored ingredient on pizza, but Dough Boyz takes their sauce as seriously as their dough and cheese.

Finally, for dessert on this epic second takeout trip, I brought home Dough Boyz — not the staff of the actual pizzeria, but fried dough balls topped with so much powdered sugar that they looked like they were partying in the aforementioned Miami, perhaps in the 1980s.  You may know them better as zeppoli.  My wife absolutely loved these, even more than the cheesecake, but I stand by the cheesecake.

Dough Boyz Pizzeria does have a few tables for dining in, but it is a no-frills place, and I’m guessing the vast majority of their business comes from takeout.  I’m sold.  It is twelve minutes from my home, and I pass a few other pizzerias to get there, but they have earned a loyal and enthusiastic regular customer moving forward.  Give them a try, especially if you’ve heard the tiresome bleats of ex-New Yorkers saying there is no good pizza in Orlando.  There is plenty, and you can just click on the “Pizza” category link in this review to read my other reviews on the subject (or just click on all the other links I’ve made sure to sprinkle into this review, like so much parmesan cheese).  My personal favorite pizzeria is too much of a schlep across town to just get there anytime I crave it (sorry, John & John’s – A Pizza Shop), but Dough Boyz is my new friendly neighborhood destination, and I’ll be back again before long.

Royal Thai Cuisine

Royal Thai Cuisine (https://royalthai-orlando.com/) opened in 1996, and I started dining there with friends shortly after moving to Orlando back in 2004.  It helped that it was so close to the job I held for 15 years, but along the way, other Thai restaurants opened, and I got distracted.  I recently returned to Royal Thai with two friends — both former co-workers from that old job — and I realized it had been several years since my last visit, definitely before I started this blog in 2018.

It was nice to go back there after so many memorable lunches and dinners, including an unforgettable Halloween dinner over 15 years ago, where my wife (then just my girlfriend) and a group of friends and I showed up there in full costume.  My old roommate was dressed as a sleazy redneck in a sleeveless white T-shirt and a mullet wig under a ball cap, and he must have looked like trouble when we entered the crowded restaurant that night.  When he took off the cap and the mullet came off with it, everyone in the dining room cracked up.  Needless to say, my former co-workers and I were a lot more sedate on our recent visit.

We started with an order of crispy spring rolls, listed as #1 on the menu (completely randomly), but they might be #1 as far as spring rolls go.  Royal Thai serves an order of three spring rolls, each one bisected into six more or less equal pieces, perfect for sharing with two friends (or devouring alone).  The dipping sauce is plum sauce — sweet and sticky; not spicy at all — but I was the only one who availed myself of it. 

Here’s a cross-section of the crispy spring roll.  It is loaded with savory clear noodles, onions, cabbage, and carrots.  Some places sneak mushrooms into these things, but I was relieved Royal Thai doesn’t do that. 

One friend ordered a dish called param, which was completely unfamiliar to me: a protein (she chose chicken) served over fresh spinach leaves and topped with peanut sauce.  It came with a side of fragrant, nutty smelling jasmine rice that I didn’t photograph, but you all know what a bowl of white rice looks like.

Another friend, who happens to be a vegetarian, ordered pad Thai with tofu.  I love pad Thai, but I rarely order it for myself because I almost always end up with someone else who gets it for themselves.  The noodles were stir-fried with bean sprouts and green onions and topped with some fresh shredded cabbage and carrots, with crushed peanuts on the side.  I asked her if it was tangy or sour, because that’s how I really like my pad Thai to be.  She was kind enough to let me try a forkful, and while it was a solid version of the classic dish, it wasn’t terribly tangy.

After so many years without visiting Royal Thai, I was having a hard time deciding what to get, but I defaulted to my standard dish at any Thai restaurant: pad kee mao, or drunken noodles.  I love this dish of wide, flat rice noodles stir-fried with onions bell peppers, fresh basil, and a sauce that is usually a little sweet and a little spicy, but everyone’s version is a little different.  Royal Thai also includes bamboo shoots (I was intimidated by these until trying them for the first time five years ago at Susuru), snow peas, and baby corn — ingredients I don’t usually seek out, but they were perfectly fine here.   They also include mushrooms — my culinary Kryptonite — but were nice enough to hold them for me.  I got pork as my protein, by the way. 

To this day, I don’t know if I could identify the best drunken noodles in Orlando, even though I have ordered them at least once at every Thai restaurant I’ve ever been to.  Of course, there are still a lot more Thai restaurants I need to visit.  I usually order them with the hot spice level, but I was taking my wife to St. Petersburg the next day (see last week’s review of Ted Peters Famous Smoked Fish) and decided to go easy on my stomach and get these drunken noodles medium-spiced.  Whenever I return to Royal Thai (which I will, and I won’t wait as long either), I’ll probably order something different next time to work my way through the lengthy menu, and I’ll definitely try it hot instead of medium.  After all these years, I have the utmost faith in them to do a good job of anything.

Ted Peters Famous Smoked Fish (St. Petersburg)

Ted Peters Famous Smoked Fish (https://tedpetersfish.com/) is a legendary landmark in St. Petersburg, Florida, right off the beach.  It is a perfect example of a classic “Old Florida” seafood restaurant and smokehouse, the kinds of places that barely exist anymore, but those that remain are both time capsules and treasures.  Founded in 1951 and still family-owned and in its original location, Ted Peters conjures up sights, smells, and tastes of a bygone era, but luckily we can still enjoy them today.  In fact, just last month, Southern Living magazine (which features some pretty great food writing) included Ted Peters in its list of Florida’s 17 Most Legendary Restaurants.  (I have been to five of them and reviewed one other on this blog, Bern’s Steak House.)

I first visited Ted Peters with my wife several years ago, long before I started writing as The Saboscrivner in 2018.  But strangely enough, neither of us remembered much about our first visit, aside from that I liked it.  I’ve been wanting to return for years, and on a recent weekend getaway to St. Pete Beach, it was my first stop after checking into our hotel and depositing my wife in our room.  I brought back a takeout feast, knowing the room had a mini-fridge in case we couldn’t finish everything.  But we were both stunned by the portion sizes upon my return — somehow you’d think that would have stuck in my memory when we ate there the first time, but it didn’t.  This recent visit was like getting to experience it all again for the first time.

Just so you know, it doesn’t get much more casual than this place.  There are plenty of tables on a covered patio, and they can pull down outer walls in case it rains, as it did on the sweltering late June afternoon I showed up there.  There is also an enclosed dining room with some rustic decor — wood-paneled walls and stuffed animal heads.  I just poked my head in the room but didn’t linger.  You can order beer (or root beer) in frosty glass mugs, but it’s a family-friendly restaurant in every way, not some kind of dirty dive (although it was featured on Guy Fieri’s Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives show).

This is the menu that hangs above the bar, with accurate prices as of June 30th, 2024:

They offer four kinds of smoked fish, all smoked over red oak wood: salmon, mullet, mahi mahi, and mackerel, but mackerel was out of season.  Both of our orders came in huge white paper boxes, like the kind of boxes a bakery would send you home with a large pie or cake in.  Like I said, we were both stunned back at the hotel when I opened everything up and saw how much fish they give you.

My wife asked for a smoked salmon lunch, which comes with fish, tomato, onion, pickle, and lemon.  It was a huge hunk of salmon, hot-smoked to a golden brown color, compared to the delicate pink nova salmon we know and love from a lifetime of bagel breakfasts, appetizing stores, and delicatessens.  The hot-smoked salmon was drier and flakier than the tender, thin-sliced nova that melts in your mouth, but it was still really good.  You just have to think of it as its own thing — not as salty as nova, but much more oily and “fishy.”  
The entire piece had thin, crispy salmon skin underneath that was easy to separate, even with the flimsy plastic fork and knife they included, but we both love salmon skin, so it was a nice surprise treat.

Because mackerel was out of season, I ordered a mullet dinner for myself, and not just because I had a mullet back in 8th and 9th grade.   This was a nice piece of fish, even longer than the salmon filet, just not as thick because mullet is a smaller fish.  This one reminded me more of the golden smoked whitefish I treat myself to every few years, which I pull apart to make rich, decadent whitefish salad.  Like whitefish, mullet is full of long, thin, plasticky, pin-like bones that you have to carefully remove, as well as one long spine that you can pull out in one piece like a cat in an old-timey cartoon.  As a result, the mullet was harder to eat in a hotel room due to how messy it is, but we brought a lot home, packed tightly in a cooler with ice, and I made it into some smoked mullet salad back in my kitchen.

Unlike the salmon, you can’t eat the scaly skin of the mullet (the entire underside), so I did what I could to peel it all off, along with the tail, fins, and all those bones.  The little sauce containers were a creamy horseradish sauce that had a slight sweetness (not nearly as intensely spicy as the horseradish sauce at Orlando’s beloved Beefy King) and another sauce that was seemingly ranch (that one was for the Swifties), but possibly with some Cajun seasoning added.  I brought those home as well and added them to the flaky, deboned mullet (because the meat is also drier than the smoked whitefish I’m used to).

The difference between the lunch and the dinner is that the dinner comes with cole slaw and potato salad, so of course I had to try those!  The cole slaw was creamy, crunchy, and refreshing, perfect for cutting through the intensely fishy, oily, smoky flavors and textures.

The potato salad is actually German potato salad, so it is tangy and the slightest bit sweet from being made with apple cider vinegar instead of the standard mayonnaise.  It is also rich, smoky, and has a nice blend of soft and crunchy textures from crumbles of bacon.  It was served warm, as German potato salad usually is, and it was terrific.  I’m so glad I sprang for the dinner instead of the lunch.

I couldn’t go to Ted Peters and not try their famous smoked fish spread, which I definitely did not try on my first visit however long ago.   My wife didn’t care for it as much as the salmon and mullet, but surprise surprise, I liked it even more — maybe due to it being less intensely fishy and smoky.  The fish (I’m assuming mullet, but it could be a blend) was mixed into a uniform creamy consistency with mayo and sweet pickle relish, adding some sweetness, coolness, and crunch.  It reminded me of a really terrific tuna salad with that smoky flavor shining through but not overpowering.   
At the restaurant, you can order smoked fish spread with Saltine crackers, but for takeout orders, you just order it by the half-pint, pint, or quart.  I got a half-pint, and it didn’t come with crackers, so I had to run by Publix to buy some Saltines.  They were fine, but I still contend that anything Saltines can do, Ritz can do better.  But my wife loves Saltines, and I wanted to follow the founders’ intent here.

At this point, a couple of you might be lamenting “What if I don’t eat fish?” or “What if I don’t like smoked fish?”  Well, first of all, I would probably suggest trying a different restaurant.  There are so many to choose from up and down St. Pete Beach and on the mainland, and many are in the good-to-great range.  But just in case, I had always read that Ted Peters Famous Smoked Fish serves really tasty burgers, and I had to put that to the test.  I’m a cheeseburger guy, and I think American cheese is the best cheese you can put on a burger.  But my wife doesn’t like cheese on burgers, so I ordered a plain hamburger with her in mind, just in case any of the fish were “too fishy” for her.  When I showed her the plain burger as an option, she said it looked a little sad, plus she surprised both of us by liking the smoked salmon and mullet as much as she did.

Now I like a lot of stuff on a burger (surprise, surprise), so if it looked sad, that’s because it was plain.  Since she wanted nothing to do with it, I added ketchup, yellow mustard, and relish (from included packets), the “seemingly ranch” sauce, and lettuce and tomato.  It was delicious!  It tasted like a burger you’d get at a cookout with that nice flavor from the grill.  The bun was your typical squishy white bread bun, not grilled or toasted or anything, but absolutely fine for what it was.  Adding American cheese and grilled onions and grilling the bun might have brought this burger over the top, but I have no complaints.  If you don’t want your fingers or your breath to smell like smoked fish for hours after dining, like if you’re on a really hot date at Ted Peters, then consider the burger.

Now key lime pie is one of my favorite desserts ever, but my wife doesn’t share my love for it.  I was all ready to skip the tempting key lime pie on Ted Peters’ menu for the second time, but it was actually her idea to order a slice.  Of course I did not argue!  It was nice and tangy, an ideal dessert for balancing out smoky, rich fish, but the crust was rather crumbly and a bit bland.  Rather than the standard moist graham cracker crust, it might have been made of shortbread or even ‘Nilla Wafers, that mainstay of Southern-style banana pudding.  (When I was a little Saboscrivner, before I spent 15 years working for a Catholic law school, I used to think the “wafers” consumed during Catholic mass were ‘Nilla Wafers.)
I would definitely recommend it anyway, since key lime pie is Florida’s official dessert (or should be), and it does go so perfectly at the end of a meal like this.  But this is a rare occasion where I might give the edge to the Publix bakery, and I would be remiss if I didn’t credit the award-winning baker Evette Rahman of Sister Honey’s Bakery in Orlando for making the best key lime pie I’ve ever had in my life.

So anyway, Southern Living is right on about this place.  And if you don’t believe me and don’t believe them, my friend and role model Amy Drew Thompson, the food writer for the Orlando Sentinel, is a fellow fan of Ted Peters Famous Smoked Fish, and she definitely knows what she’s talking about.  But hopefully you can see from my words and pictures that Ted Peters is a unique experience, something that is all too rare in Florida and almost nonexistent anywhere else.  After our most recent visit to St. Pete Beach, I said again what I’ve said before, that if I had to live anywhere in Florida that isn’t in or around Orlando, the St. Pete/Tampa area would be it for me.  My wife and I love St. Pete Beach for short little weekend getaways, but it would totally be worth a day trip from Orlando just to take in a taste of timeless Old Florida at Ted Peters Famous Smoked Fish.  Eat on the patio,  spring for the dinner so you can have German potato salad and cole slaw, get your hands a little dirty, raise a frosty mug, and be glad that after all these decades and generations, the crew at Ted Peters still smokes fish every day.