Spicy – The Saboscrivner

Talay

Talay (https://www.talayorlando.com/) is one of the newer and more upscale Thai restaurants in Orlando, located in the “North Quarter” on 861 Orange Avenue, right before you cross East Colonial Drive into downtown Orlando. I took my wife there for lunch a few weeks ago, and we had a nice meal in the spacious dining room, which was surprisingly empty. I’m sure it gets crazy crowded later on, though. Everything is light wood and creamy colors, making the space feel modern and elegant. There are some booths inside, and there is even more seating outside, on an inviting covered patio.

As usual, my wife started her with a creamy and refreshing Thai iced tea:

We ordered four different things, intending to share most of them and end up with leftovers. A few were relatively small portions, so it all worked out.

This was salmon chae nam pla, an appetizer with thin slices of raw salmon (each garnished by a paper-thin slice of pickled garlic), two little clusters of salmon roe, and mint leaves, all displayed on a sea of spicy cilantro chili-lime dressing. The dressing was too spicy for my wife, so I ended up eating most of these. I must be part bear (I definitely look like a bear), because I never tire of devouring raw salmon.

We also shared goong ob woon sen, a dish neither of us had ever tried before, or even noticed on any other Thai menus before. It included plump shrimp served with their tails on, glass noodles (traditionally made from mung bean or sweet potato starch, which turn translucent), thin slices of bacon, black pepper, sesame oil, celery, ginger, “Talay’s signature wok sauce,” and cilantro chili relish served on the side. Those leaves in the middle are a tiny celery stick garnish sticking out.

You wanted a noodle pull? Well here’s a noodle pull! This was a good dish, and the noodles had a nice chew to them. I didn’t pick this one, and I didn’t know what to expect (other than “bacon is always good”), but it all came together.

I finally got my wife into my favorite Thai dish that I used to order all the time as a benchmark of any new Thai restaurant, pad kee mao (sometimes spelled pad kee mow, and also known as drunken noodles). As long as she orders it mild, she loves it as much as she loves her old go-to, pad Thai. This was Talay’s pad kee mao, a stir-fried sensation with flat rice noodles (always so nice and chewy), green and red bell peppers, Thai basil, chili, and Talay’s spicy wok sauce, which they surely toned down for her. She chose crispy duck as the protein (for a small upcharge), and the duck was wonderful — tender, juicy, battered and fried to perfection. We are both big duck fans.

And as for me, I panicked. So many things sounded good, and I know for a fact I won’t make it back to this spot very often. Instead of going with a familiar favorite, I wanted to try something more unique off Talay’s Signature menu, since they have so many elevated dishes you can’t find just anywhere. I decided to go with something I always love on any menu, whether it’s a seafood shack or a Thai restaurant, soft shell crab. This was pu nim tod kra tiam, crispy soft-shell crab served with garlic, pepper, and a savory brown sauce. It ended up being a new twist on an old classic, and it was much less heavy than it looks here.

It came with white rice on the side, which I mixed in to gather all the sauce under the crab, and I asked to try the roasted chili relish, which costs $3 extra. All I got was the little ramekin on the right, and it was interesting. It definitely had some sweetness and funky umami, maybe from fish sauce.

Due to the location, I don’t expect we will become regulars at Talay, especially since I bring home takeout much more often than we dine out. But Talay is definitely one of the nicer Thai restaurants in Orlando, and it would be a fantastic place for a date or a big night out. It reminded me of Lim Ros Thai Cuisine that way, another Thai restaurant that is a little more elegant and elevated than usual. Both feature lush, sexy vibes, rather than the “hominess” of the more old-school Thai restaurants we honestly end up at more often (like Thailicious in Longwood). But I can’t say anything bad about either of them, and if you already know Talay, I’m sure you can’t think of anything negative about it either. If I ever do make it back, what should I order next time? I’m always happy to try anything new!

Cutting the Mustard V: What Are Ya, YELLOW?

I love mustard. As far as I’m concerned, it is a perfect condiment, especially because there are so many styles and infinite subtle variations to choose from. At the start of 2026, I officially started trying to lose weight by eating smaller portions and eating healthier in general, which includes fewer restaurant meals. Mustard has been a godsend for jazzing up the simple, everyday, high-protein, low-fat foods I’ve been preparing in different ways to stave off boredom and blandness: chicken breast, lean pork loin, turkey, and of course sardines and other tinned seafood. No matter if you’re eating the leanest, dryest chicken breast there is or a juicy, fatty, salty, decadent cut of meat, almost any savory dish can be improved by introducing an acidic component, and that’s where mustard really shines.

For my first-ever Cutting the Mustard back in 2021, I reviewed seven different mustards. In 2022, I raised the stakes by reviewing ten different mustards in Cutting the Mustard II: The Search for More Mustard. In 2024, I went above and beyond by reviewing 26 mustards (making up for skipping 2023) in Cutting the Mustard III: Mustardy Agreement. Last year’s Cutting the Mustard IV: Mustard on the Beat included a whopping 18 new mustards. And now, following my arbitrary tradition of posting these on Memorial Day weekend, we’re going to try this again!

I am opening with organic Dijon mustard from Whole Foods’ 365 private label. I almost never use Dijon mustard by itself, on sandwiches, hot dogs, burgers, or anything else. For me, Dijon is more of an ingredient. I put a little into my homemade Caesar dressing, and whenever I roast lamb chops, I rub them down with Dijon. But I tried a little on this Deutsche Kuche (pronounced “douche cooch”) Bavarian soft pretzel stick from Aldi, for the sake of this mustard mega-review, and it was good.

The next two mustards were random finds at Big Lots, a store that specialized in random finds, like close-outs from other retailers. Sadly, all the Big Lots locations closed over a year ago, but it was a neat place to browse, especially for interesting chips, sodas, and international foods. I had never heard of the Morehouse brand, and I’ve never seen them anywhere else before or since. For some people, that would be a few red flags right away, but for me, it was “Challenge accepted!”

I keep striking out with German mustards, even though Germany is a pretty big country for mustard consumption. I never like the ones Aldi brings back twice a year for their German weeks, and I thought this Morehouse German mustard was kind of bland and forgettable on the same Aldi pretzel stick. I would not buy it again, not that I could even if I wanted to.

The Morehouse horseradish mustard was brighter and spicier, so of course I liked it a lot more on this pretzel stick. (Saboscrivner secret: I usually get multiple mustard shots out of a single “douche cooch” pretzel stick. I haven’t been eating a whole pretzel with each mustard I sample and photograph!) Anyway, I always like the sinus-clearing flavor and heat of horseradish, especially in mustard. Stay tuned for more horseradish mustards that are even better!

I forgot where I found the Silver Spring chipotle mustard (left) and Beer’n Brat mustard (right) in Orlando. Maybe Petty’s Meats, a bougie grocer in Longwood? I’ve had very similar mustards from other brands before, but both were perfectly fine with the same soft pretzel. The chipotle is very mild, spice-wise, but had a decent smoky, acidic kick.
One of my favorite people in the world, a friend who is a true foodie and intrepid traveler, brought me the Lars Swedish Style spicy brown mustard (in the middle), and it was a standard Gulden’s-esque spicy brown, but I enjoyed it quite a lot. I know it made it into a couple of batches of chicken salad that I make with Costco rotisserie chickens.

The same friend also brought me another Lars Swedish Style mustard. This is the mild & sweet variety, which was a pleasant, middle-of-the-road mustard, but luckily not too sweet. A lot of honey mustards are cloyingly sweet to me, and I am never okay with a “dessert mustard.” This was a safe and solid choice for roast pork loin sandwiches and the like.

Publix, Florida’s ubiquitous supermarket chain, where shopping is a pleasure for almost everyone but me, started carrying Mike’s Amazing mustards about a year ago, and they have even put them on BOGO sale a few times. It’s a relatively cheap mustard as it is, usually around $1.99. I bought two at my earliest opportunity to try them. Here is Mike’s Amazing spicy brown mustard on one of many rotisserie chicken salad sandwiches I’ve made over the past year, and I know I mixed it into the chicken salad as well. It was another Gulden’s-esque flavor, as one would expect.

I preferred the brighter taste of the Mike’s Amazing deli mustard, which was more like my beloved Ba-Tampte (but not on that level) than Gulden’s spicy brown. I was enjoying a ham and cheese sandwich here, since I treat myself to a whole spiral-sliced ham about once a year when Aldi deeply discounts them after the holidays (I call them my “half-price Hanukkah hams”), but that’s not the only reason I liked this mustard better.

Over a year ago, back in February 2025, I took a trip down to Miami to visit my parents and see one of my all-time favorite musical groups with my best friend: the legendary hip hop collective De La Soul. That’s when I had one of the top two meals of my entire life, at Red Rooster Overtown. But on my rare trips down to Miami, I like to stop at all the bougie grocery stores in Broward and Palm Beach Counties to hunt for unfamiliar mustards and other condiments that aren’t available here in Orlando. I visited three markets and made out like a bandit. I’ve been slowly making my way through this haul for over a year, all leading up to this review:

I found a few of these at Carmine’s Gourmet Market, one of the nicest and bougiest grocery stores I’ve ever been to, in tony Palm Beach Gardens. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many high-end condiments and sauces for sale at one place before, and I was in heaven. They had several sauces and condiments with their own private label, including some mustards. I bought the two most intriguing flavors. The jalapeño mustard was paler and creamier than most spicy yellow mustards I’ve tried over the years, kind of like a cross between a yellow mustard and a Dijon. As usual, the heat was more mild than wild, but I liked it a lot, especially on these crispy house-made potato chips that were left over from Runabout Brewing Co.

I am an onion freak, much to my wife’s chagrin. I love onions and put them in or on everything. Most of the time, I buy sweet onions, even when recipes call for harsher-tasting white or yellow onions, so I couldn’t pass up trying Carmine’s Vidalia onion mustard. Now this one was surprisingly sweet, despite having the texture of grated onions giving it some thick body. I’m so glad I tried it, but I don’t know if I would get this one again. It was too sweet for me.

But sometimes a sweeter mustard hits in all the right ways. Kozlik’s is a Canadian mustard brand, and it is the finest I’ve ever encountered. I’ve never had a bad Kozlik’s flavor; in fact, they have all been among the best mustards I’ve tasted in my life. Unfortunately, nobody sells them in Orlando (The Ancient Olive in Winter Park used to, but not in years), and they are expensive, but I was glad to find them at Carmine’s. I always love balsamic vinegar, figs, and dates, so I couldn’t pass up Kozlik’s balsamic fig and date mustard. It was thick, sweet, rich, and tangy, and I can’t say enough good things about it. For a guy who usually eschews sweeter mustards for anything spicy and deli-style, this was a huge hit. Honestly, you could even dab this mustard on vanilla ice cream, and it would slap. But if you put it on chicken, pork, or fish, you couldn’t go wrong.

I also love maple as a flavor, and maple syrup can be a great ingredient in savory and spicy marinades and sauces. I also indulged in Kozlik’s Amazing Maple mustard, and it lived up to its name. This one would be amazing with salty breakfast meats, among other things. I might have even spread some on a Sausage McMuffin with Egg, classy guy that I am.

About 25 years ago, Food Network used to feature celebrity chefs who actually taught you how to cook on their shows, instead of just endless, pointless cupcake competitions. I loved this era of Food Network, and it inspired me to become both a better home cook and a more adventurous diner in general. Emeril Lagasse emerged from New Orleans as a successful chef, restauranteur, and multimedia mogul, to the point where he once owned two restaurants here in Orlando, both of which are long gone. You don’t hear about Emeril much anymore, but every time I attempted one of his recipes, it was rad.

When I stopped at the Famous Market Deli, a kosher grocery store and delicatessen in Delray Beach, Florida, on the same trip, I was thrilled to find multiple mustards from Emeril’s own brand, which I’ve never seen for sale anywhere else. I bought three of them. How could I not?

This was a recent roast pork loin sandwich on toasted keto bread from Aldi, garnished with fresh spinach, homemade Chicago-style spicy giardiniera (that came out so well), balsamic glaze, and Emeril’s deli style mustard, which was another Gulden’s-esque mustard, but I think better. As I’ve said before, I love strong flavors, and I’m obsessed with how acidic flavors really make every meal pop. BAM!

Emeril’s horseradish mustard was even better, on yet another pork loin sandwich, this one topped with hot cherry peppers and Grillo’s pickles (my favorite commercially available pickles that I’ve found). It made me feel things! BAM!

And here is yet another pork loin sandwich with giardiniera, Grillo’s pickles, and Emeril’s jalapeño mustard, a yellow mustard jazzed up with random tiny flecks of spicy peppers. This would be a fabulous mustard for a hot dog, a Cuban sandwich, or anything else you’d put regular, everyday yellow mustard on. With very few exceptions (like Beaver products), the “spicy” mustards are never as spicy as I anticipate or crave, but this was a fine product nonetheless, and it doesn’t have the weird and unnecessary ingredients I discovered in Beaver mustards. BAM!

Have I made you miss Emeril? Maybe not so much?

For the longest time, you couldn’t get Nathan’s mustards anywhere in the Orlando area. My dad craved them, so I ordered some for him from a mail order company called Pop Pop Foods, but the shipping was very high, so I didn’t get any for myself. When I found Nathan’s deli mustard and spicy brown mustard at the Famous Market Deli last year, I bought a bottle of each for myself, even though I already reviewed the Nathan’s deli mustard in Cutting the Mustard III after trying it at my parents’ house.

But I tried Nathan’s spicy brown mustard on a delicious and keto-friendly egg bite I made earlier this year after blending eggs with cottage cheese, then filling baking cups with ham, jalapeño peppers, the egg and cottage cheese mixture, and I think muenster cheese, then baking them. These were quick, easy, tasty, and carb-free bites I could microwave and chomp on whenever I wanted, and they paired exceptionally well with multiple mustards. Nathan’s makes one of the better spicy brown mustards I’ve sampled in all my years — definitely better than Gulden’s or Mike’s Amazing.

A few weeks ago, I was at the gargantuan Walmart Supercenter near my home, actually getting some bloodwork done at the Quest Diagnostics lab inside the Walmart (something that always makes me think of a late-stage capitalist dystopia). I rarely go out of my way to shop at Walmart, but if I’m there, I always look down the action figure aisle (old habits die hard) and check out the groceries to see what they have that other places don’t carry. I was pleasantly surprised to see Walmart stocks Nathan’s deli mustard, spicy brown, and a new flavor that I wasn’t expecting but maybe should have: hot honey deli mustard! I had to have it, and it did not disappoint. It’s everything you love from the regular (very good) deli mustard, but with a touch of sweet and a pleasant amount of heat. On yet another roast pork loin sandwich on keto bread, I tried the hot honey deli mustard with Sir Kensington’s chipotle mayonnaise and some sweet peppers I pickled myself in the leftover spicy brine from a larger jar of hot cherry peppers. Everything paired so well, the sandwich practically sang.
Hot honey is definitely having a moment right now, the way chipotle and sriracha were the “it” condiments in past years, and it makes sense. Try hot honey on pizza some time, and you won’t regret it. Deli purists might be appalled by the concept of Nathan’s hot honey deli mustard, but I thought the flavor profile worked very well, and I would get this one again. (Don’t put this on pizza, though, or you will regret it.)

Sharp-eyed Saboscrivnerinos may have noticed the Emeril’s and Nathan’s mustards come in identical plastic bottles, so I’m guessing they are made at the same facility, although I could be wrong about that.

I first tried Sy Ginsberg’s New York Style deli mustard at the Palm Avenue Deli in Sarasota, Florida, a few years ago. That was a wonderful deli meal, and I would be a regular patron if it wasn’t so many hours away from us. But when I found Sy Ginsberg at the Famous Market Deli in Delray Beach, I had to get a bottle to enjoy at home. This time I added it to egg salad, along with Foraging Fox smoked garlic mayo (something I picked up on clearance at Sprouts grocery store) and Hoff Dirty Dust, an awesome seasoning blend I picked up on clearance at Fresh Market. Hoff was a hot sauce company that recently went out of business, but I loved their hot sauces and especially this seasoning, which tastes just like the seasoning on Zapp’s Voodoo potato chips — salty, tangy, smoky, vinegary, spicy, and sweet all at once. I bought the place out because I knew it would be gone forever. Anyway, I always like egg salad, and this was an excellent batch, thanks in large part to Sy Ginsberg. What a mensch!

Last summer, hip hop DJ and producer Mustard (real name: Dijon Isaiah McFarlane, which is just perfect) got together with condiment giant Heinz to release a limited edition MUSTAAAAAARD, which was chipotle honey mustard. I remember it was briefly available at Buffalo Wild Wings restaurants (which I really do not like) and at some Target stores and Amazon. I had to try this, especially as a fan of both mustard and hip hop, so feeling that FOMO, I ordered my bottle from Amazon. (Of course, months later, I found these at Ollie’s Bargain Outlet marked down to a dollar each.)
Heinz MUSTAAAAAARD tasted more like a vaguely mustard-based barbecue sauce, slightly sweet and slightly smoky, but not the least bit spicy. It had a creamy consistency, but there wasn’t any oil added. The ingredients were distilled white vinegar, sugar, water, mustard seed, honey, and less than 2% of salt, mustard flour, natural smoke flavor, chipotle peppers, molasses, paprika, spices, turmeric, and “natural flavor.”

This is an earlier chicken salad sandwich on the excellent sourdough bread from the Sourdough Bread House, a Turkish treasure here in Casselberry that I recommend to all locals. I added Sy Ginsberg’s deli mustard to the chicken salad along with Foraging Fox smoked jalapeno mayo, chopped Grillo’s pickles and pepperoncini peppers, dried shallots, and Hoff Dirty Dust seasoning salt, but I topped the sandwich with the MUSTAAAAAARD to give it a hit of smoky, creamy sweetness. It was a bit much, and it took me a while to get through the bottle. I’m not a cynical person, so whenever I’m disappointed or let down by something, whether it’s a movie or a food, I always wish I liked it more than I did, and that was the case with this.

Despite my reservations about both honey mustards and Dijons, this Bornier honey Dijon mustard, a French product, was far better than I expected. This was one time where I made stuffed pork loin, cutting into the cylindrical cut in a spiral pattern so I could “roll it out,” then pounding it flat with a rolling pin, stuffing it with fresh spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, spicy pickled cherry peppers, seasoned bread crumbs, and parmesan cheese, then rolling it back up to roast so it looks pretty when you slice it. (I got better after this early attempt.) Anyway, with all those strong, savory flavors, the Bornier honey Dijon paired very well with the stuffed pork loin — thick, not overwhelmingly sweet, and the white wine flavor and mild nose-tingling sensation came through.

Finally, this California Olive Ranch roasted garlic, Dijon, and rosemary marinade came from The Fresh Market, a bougie grocery store if ever there was one. I used most of the bottle marinating my usual pork loins, which I roast and slice thin for so many of the above sandwiches. I’m not the biggest rosemary fan in the world (no, not even with potatoes), but luckily for me, the garlic and Dijon flavors came through stronger than the rosemary, which I often find overpowering. I’m very glad I tried this, but I think I got the bottle on clearance, so I don’t know if I would restock this marinade at full price.

So by my count, that was *22* new mustards I reviewed for you in 2026. Some great, some good, some passable, and a couple I never want or need to taste again. I hope anyone who stuck around to the end enjoyed this journey, and while I don’t expect anyone to race off to track any of these down, please let me know if you do, and what you think of them. In fact, if you have any mustard recommendations for me, please share, because I’m always looking to expand my palate and my collection. Mustard manufacturers, to paraphrase TLC, I ain’t too proud to beg for free samples, as long as you’re cool with me reviewing them objectively. As you may have realized, I’m a nerd who loves trying new foods and sharing information about them, and I’m always on a quest for new and interesting mustards. I guess you could call these recurring Cutting the Mustard features “yellow journalism.”

Holbox (Los Angeles)

Holbox (https://www.holboxla.com/) is the first actual Michelin-starred restaurant I’ve ever dined at, although I have visited several Michelin Bib Gourmand award winners and Recommended restaurants here in Orlando. It specializes in Mexican seafood dishes, and in all my research on Los Angeles restaurants, it is one of the most popular and highly recommended destinations for Angelenos and tourists alike. However, even though the food is crafted and plated with elegance and style, tasting as beautiful as it looked, it is a humble stall inside Mercado La Paloma, a Mexican food hall in South Los Angeles, surrounded by five more casual food stalls — at the time of this writing, four other Mexican restaurants and one Thai place.

Because you can either eat at the counter or communal tables, I would say Holbox is casual and accessible too, which makes it kind of a novelty for a Michelin-starred restaurant, and extremely unique. They offer an eight-course tasting menu that surely sells out weeks in advance, but I shared a magnificent feast with a good friend on a work trip to L.A. back in November, just sitting at the counter and ordering off the regular menu. I’m so glad we got to experience Holbox for ourselves, after reading so much hype and love online.

(By the way, Holbox is pronounced “OL-bosh,” like the “ol’ swimmin’ hole.” Maybe that wasn’t the best example.)

This was my sparkling lemonade, and we shared these fresh tortilla chips and salsa. Since my friend and I take eating seriously, we almost skipped the chips until I realized they are only $1. How could we say no to $1 chips? That would be worth it anywhere, and especially at the legendary Holbox. They were good chips — so light and thin and crispy! — and the salsa was magnificent.

All four of these fresh hot sauces were stellar: Chile Kut with roasted habanero, Habanero, Arbol-Guajillo, and Chile Morita. The roasted habanero had an almost creamy consistency, and the Arbol-Guajillo and Chile Morita were deliciously smoky. I wish they sold them in jars like these, but I would not have been able to bring them home with me on the plane anyway.

This beautiful, intricate creation was my tuna tartare tostada, with Baja bluefin tartare, Sinaloa-style salsa negra, pickled carrots and onions, dollops of pureed avocado, and fresh cilantro on a thin and crispy fried corn tortilla (like an open-faced taco).

And my friend got this smoked kanpachi tostada, kanpachi being a type of fish. His tostada also included Hokkaido scallops, shrimp, the aforementioned arbol-guajillo hot sauce, dollops of avocado, and cilantro.

Since I am obsessed with smoked fish, I got this house-smoked kanpachi taco for myself, with queso chihuahua, salsa cruda, avocado, and peanut chili oil on a fresh blue corn tortilla. Every bite was fabulous.

You can see the smoked fish interior better in this shot:

In the photo below, the taco on the top is the Baja fish taco, with crispy battered local Vermillion rockfish, crema, mayonnaise, salsa roja, and pico de gallo. I got a perfect bite of the fried rockfish, and it might have been my first time trying that fish (a second new fish on a trip to L.A., after discovering sand dabs at H.M.S. Bounty!).On the bottom is the pan-seared Hokkaido diver scallop taco, with three scallops, chile x’catic sauce, caramelized onions, tomato, and marinated fennel on the same blue corn tortilla. I got a scallop, and it was as perfect as a scallop can be.

Finally, we shared the filete al carbon, a mesquite-grilled filet of branzino served over cilantro rice with black beans, more of that x’catic sauce, avocado, and pico de gallo, with rolled-up tortillas in that foil off to the left side.I think we settled on this dish because they were out of something that interested us both more, but it did not disappoint, despite seeming a little more ordinary than the other creations.

Every time I hang out with this friend of mine, we always fit in an epic meal. We enjoyed Langer’s Delicatessen, Pann’s, and Genghis Cohen on three of my previous L.A. trips, as well as a few other L.A. restaurants (including a famous, iconic Hollywood classic) and an awe-inspiring indigenous restaurant in Portland, Oregon, that I have yet to review. He’s a stand-up guy, a great professor, and a fellow adventurous diner, so I am always happy to catch up with him when I’m on the other coast. Holbox was one of our greatest discoveries to date, and if you don’t want to take my word for it, that tire company loved it enough to give it a coveted Star.

Gateway to India

Gateway to India (https://gatewaytoindiarestaurant.biz/) is a great, underrated Indian restaurant located at 790 E State Rd 434, Longwood, FL 32750. It is located a short walk away from the Spice House of Longwood Indian grocery store (820 E State Rd 434 #150), and very close to one of my favorite businesses in the Orlando area, Acme Superstore (905 E State Rd 434). I try to check in at Acme at least once a month, and I really should make it to Gateway to India more often than I do. But whenever I do, it never disappoints.

On my most recent visit for takeout (which was still too long ago), I tried their lamb biryani for the first time. Even though I like everything spicy, I ordered this basmati rice dish mild because I planned to share it with my wife. My fascinating research showed me that biryani may have reached the Indian subcontinent as an offshoot of Persian pilau, which other cultures refer to as the more familiar rice pilaf, and that also gave us the Central Asian plov, which I enjoyed at Caravan Uzbek & Turkish Cuisine and Chayhana (review coming soon, I swear!). The tender shreds of lamb blended with cashews, cilantro, and raisins, and there was a hard-boiled egg in there too.

There are two Indian dishes my wife returns to time and time again. One is butter chicken (sometimes called makhani), served in a creamy, tomatoey sauce. The velvety-smooth, rich consistency usually means there is butter in there, but I should clarify and refer to it as ghee. See what I did there?

The other go-to Indian dish my wife loves is palak paneer, which is spinach (the palak) served in a creamy, mildly spiced curry sauce with chunks of a soft cheese (the paneer). You can’t go wrong with it, and even if you’re not a vegetarian, it is always a delicious, crowd-pleasing choice.

Even though I didn’t get photos of the butter chicken and palak paneer containers, this is the plate I fixed for my wife, with the palak paneer over basmati rice at 12:00, the butter chicken taking up the largest compartment, and some of that luscious lamb biryani at 9:00.
The plastic plate with compartments is from some ancient takeout order (maybe from the defunct Stonewood restaurant), not from Gateway to India. But I kept two of these because they were so nice, microwave-safe AND dishwasher-safe, and they have clear lids that snap on. But most of all, she doesn’t like different kinds of food touching.

This was my lamb vindaloo ($19.95), served spicy hot. It has chunks of lamb and potato in a spicy curry flavored with vinegar, garlic, and chiles. Vindaloo has Portuguese origins, which those colonizers bought to Goa, a small, coastal state in western India. I go back and forth between different lamb dishes, but vindaloo is one of my favorites, along with rogan josh. I love vinegar as a flavor, so the vindaloo won out this time.

And here it is in the big compartment with butter chicken and palak paneer for me:

I’ve written before about my great love of Indian breads at Sanaa (which I recommend to my fellow Indian bread aficionados), but I am always a fan of naan, roti, paratha, kulcha, and more. I would like to create something where people sign up to get a different Indian bread every week, and we could called it Kulcha Klub. Maybe they could be served by a quartet of women in blonde wigs, the Four Naan Blondes.

I got an order of butter naan, because that’s kind of the fluffy, puffy standard:

As well as a butter paratha, to compare and contrast — not just the two breads from Gateway to India, but also to see how their paratha stands up to other versions I’ve had, like the crispy Malaysian style that I used to buy frozen. Paratha from Indian restaurants are never as flaky like those frozen versions (I call them the love child of a flour tortilla and a croissant), but they are still awesome, especially when you have rich, spicy curries to scoop up.

This was our container of raita, a cooling yogurt with cucumbers that was so good to cool down my tongue after the fiery vindaloo.

And even though this looks similar, this was a rice pudding dessert that my wife wanted to try. I don’t remember what it tasted like, but it’s possible I didn’t try any.

I really love Indian food, even though I don’t pretend to be any kind of expert. I don’t think I’ve ever been disappointed by a dish, meat or vegetarian alike, but I like to balance trying new things with going back to my old favorites. That means trying them at different restaurants too, to compare how each place makes those familiar favorites. Gateway to India is one of the closer Indian restaurants to our home, so I need to make it back there more often. If you’re in Seminole County, especially Longwood, Casselberry, and Winter Springs, it is so close to where all three areas converge at the intersection of 434 and 17-92. Even if you’re further out, it is definitely worth the drive. I might see you over there some time soon, probably after a bit of back issue bin diving at Acme. That always makes me work up an appetite!

SLAP! Hand Ripped Noodles

Back in 2019, when I took my wife to New York City for our tenth anniversary, one of the many delicious restaurant meals I had was takeout from Xi’an Famous Foods, a casual restaurant specializing in hand-ripped biang biang noodles and spicy braised meats from the city of Xi’an in northwestern China. It was like no other style of Chinese food I’ve ever had before, and I’ve been saying for years that even with Orlando’s breadth and depth of various regional Chinese cuisines, we have desperately needed a place like that. Well, we finally have one!

SLAP! Hand Ripped Noodles (https://www.instagram.com/slap.noodles.usa) opened back in November 2025, at 6532 Carrier Dr Ste B, Orlando, FL 32819, right off International Drive, a little north of Sand Lake Road. It has been a popular destination ever since, with influencers aplenty sharing videos of chefs slapping and stretching dough to make perfectly long, chewy noodles from scratch and diners slurping them up. I’ve been wanting to try it ever since it opened, and I finally made it over there yesterday with my best friend, after surviving yet another MegaCon. (We went to The Whiskey two years ago and Fogo de Chao, which I somehow still haven’t reviewed, last year.)

I’ve been so good lately about not drinking my calories, but I figured our food would be spicy, so I treated myself to a sweet drink from SLAP!’s beverage cooler, this interesting-looking honey pomelo drink. After I chose it, I found a small English language label on the back that described it as honey grapefruit tea. It was so sweet and refreshing and delicious, and I loved it, especially as a nice treat after a grueling day.

It was way too hot for bowls of soup, so my friend and I both chose chili SLAP! noodle bowls, sans soup. He got the signature three-way chili SLAP! noodles, which we learned was a combination of three of their other bowls that can be ordered separately: sliced pork, tomato and egg, and vegetable (which included cubed potatoes, celery, and carrots at the bottom. They also included bok choy, bean sprouts, and lots of chili oil and chili powder. It looks fiery, but believe it or not, it was a lot milder than it looks. There were a bunch of those perfectly al dente biang biang noodles under there, don’t worry!

I got the beef short rib chili SLAP! noodles (no soup for me either), because short ribs are up there with oxtails and lamb shanks as rich, flavorful, unctuous cuts of meat I have a hard time turning down. It has the same kind of seasoning and also included bok choy (which I like) and bean sprouts (which I don’t care for, so I’ll know to ask them to hold the bean sprouts on future visits). I loved that they included a pair of kitchen shears for cutting the short rib, which I wish more restaurants would give you. A few well-placed snips separated all the tender meat from the giant bone, and a few more cuts turned it into bite-sized pieces. I got two meals out of this giant portion, which I’m getting so much better at.

I forgot to get a good picture of the actual hand-ripped biang biang noodles at the restaurant, but here they are in my leftovers, back at home. At the restaurant, we only ate with chopsticks. These noodles are awe-inspiring, and the chili seasoning is addictive. I suspect these dishes would still be too spicy for my wife, parents, brother, and in-laws, who hate anything beyond “mild,” but I think most people will find the taste pleasant and the spicy level nowhere close to overwhelming.
By the way, watch how you dress at SLAP!, because it is too easy to splatter a good shirt with that chili oil. I’ve been wearing the same beloved shirt to comic book conventions for 25 years to pose for pictures with comic writers and artists, a running gag that only I appreciate. Luckily, I had the foresight to pack an expendable T-shirt to change into when we got to the restaurant to protect The Shirt.

I was also excited to try one of the “crispy pancake” sandwiches at SLAP!, and I went with cumin lamb. Lamb is probably my favorite protein of all time (not including cured Italian meats), and I still remember the spicy cumin lamb “burger” I got at Xi’an Famous Foods in 2019. In that earlier review, I described it as being served on “a crispy flatbread bun that was like a cross between a pita and an English muffin, in terms of texture.” Here at SLAP!, the flavorful lamb was served on roujiamao, which is more like a flaky paratha or roti, a flatbread I’ve described many times as being the love child of a croissant and a flour tortilla. This roujiamao was much flakier, with more crispy layers, than the typical roti you may have had at Hawkers Asian Street Fare (which you can also buy frozen, as I suspect Hawkers does). This didn’t have that rich, buttery flavor either, but it complimented the cumin lamb very well, and it was fun to eat it.

My friend and I each took a few bites, and we still had some left over that I finished for lunch today. This was a hit, and you can also order the crispy pancakes with braised beef or braised pork. Next time! And yes, there will be a next time.

Finally, we also tried some skewers, because we know how to party, and how often will be able to make it back here? It’s across town from me, and my dude lives in Miami! Homestead, actually! All the skewers at SLAP! are served in orders of four for a very reasonable $5.99 each, but you can’t mix and match. That’s how we ended up with a dozen skewers. The four on the left are Chinese sausage, which was both of our favorites. They were grilled and coated with the same chili spice blend, but they weren’t like the chewy and slightly sweet lap cheong I expected, which I love in fried rice.

The four skewers in the middle are beef, which were also grilled and coated with the same chili spicy powder. They were chewy and not terribly tender, and not juicy at all, but at least they tasted good. The four crispy chicken skewers on the right were disappointing, though. My friend was spot-on when he called them “basic.” I’ve had spicy chicken nuggets from Wendy’s with more flavor, so at least I know to skip them on future visits. The sauce on the right side that looks like it’s about to spill (we didn’t let that happen) was reminiscent of Thai sweet chili sauce, but not nearly as sticky or sweet. That sauce and the chili spice on the left helped make the crispy chicken skewers somewhat more interesting, but I’d still order something else next time. Maybe an order of dumplings, which you can get with lamb, beef and onion, pork and cabbage, or pork, shrimp, and chive.

Vegetarians, there aren’t a ton of options for you at this meat-centric restaurant, but you can safely get the vegetable chili SLAP! noodles, vegetable noodle soup, and a couple of different skewers: enoki mushrooms with tofu skin, cilantro with tofu skin, or “fish tofu,” which I’m assuming is tofu reminiscent of fish, and and not a combination of fish and tofu. If you are ovo-vegetarians, you could also do the tomato and egg chili SLAP! noodles or tomato and egg noodle soup.

And since I always check (on behalf of my wife), there are a few half-booths along the side wall at SLAP!, in addition to plenty of tables. Napkin dispensers hang from the ceiling above each table, which you’ll appreciate due to needing a lot of napkins for meals like this, and also for the space they save on the tabletops. (Short people, your mileage may vary).

SLAP! Hand Ripped Noodles is definitely worth all the hype. I would have liked to get there sooner, but better late than never. Now I look forward to returning, but I wanted to publish this review as soon as possible, for the handful of you out there who haven’t already jumped on the bandwagon. It’s another treasure for Orlando, especially when the options along International Drive are so chain-centric. As if there was any doubt, SLAP! slaps.

JAWS Toppoki

JAWS Toppoki (https://www.jawsfl.com/) is a Korean street food restaurant in the hustling, bustling food court inside the world’s largest H Mart, the Korean supermarket that took Orlando by storm when it opened in the Pine Hills neighborhood in West Orlando in September 2025.

My wife and I waited three weeks before visiting the sprawling supermarket, not wanting to deal with long lines and crazy crowds. But even though we chose to visit on a weekday midmorning, the lines were still long and the crowds were still crazy. H Mart was a shining example of abundance, but the cramped layout and oblivious shoppers (half of whom were filming themselves, like everyone has to be an influencer) detracted from what should have been a fun experience. Pushing my disabled wife in a wheelchair was an exhausting and nerve-wracking experience for both of us. It could be said that shopping was not a pleasure.

After we were both fed up and hangry, we adjourned to the huge food court, which was just as chaotic as inside the store itself. My wife wanted to eat some sashimi we bought inside H Mart, so I rolled her up to an empty table and went off to decide what to get myself for lunch.

Feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed, I decided on JAWS Toppoki, maybe because it was nearest to our table, or maybe because it had the shortest line. I liked that you could order different combinations of things, which I always appreciate at any restaurant, especially when a lot of the food is unfamiliar. I am getting more of a Korean food education, especially because I stay in Koreatown on my occasional short work trips to Los Angeles. But I looked forward to trying JAWS Toppoki’s take on various popular street foods.

I have had a never-ending tuna craving, so I ordered tuna gimbap to start with. Gimbap looks superficially similar to a sushi roll: various ingredients rolled and wrapped in sesame oil-seasoned rice and a layer of dried seaweed — very similar to Japanese nori — and then sliced. The tuna gimbap included a mayo-based tuna salad, finely shredded carrots, cucumbers, sesame leaf, and sesame seeds. It was a fine little snack, but I couldn’t complain about getting too much tuna. If anything, it was too much carrot and not enough tuna! This gimbap didn’t quite scratch the tuna salad itch I’ve had since having the best tuna sandwich ever on my last trip to Los Angeles, which also included some Korean flavors.

Since our H-Mart visit was annoying and I didn’t expect to return anytime soon, I figured I would order a few different things for the sake of variety, end up with plenty of leftovers, and probably not bother to come back. So I got one of the combo meals called the “Friends Set.” It included a large metal bowl of JAWS toppoki, the restaurant’s namesake dish. Korean restaurants usually list this dish as tteokbokki, but it is pronounced similarly to “toppoki,” hence the name.
The long noodle-looking things are chewy rice cakes, and I assure you they are nothing like the bland, crunchy, hockey pucks our moms ate in the ’80s when they wanted to lose weight, even though those food crimes are what first comes to mind when I think of “rice cakes.” These are chewier than gnocchi or any al dente pasta, and denser as well. They are swimming in a very spicy sauce with thin slices of tofu, and the whole bowl is topped with crispy strips of something or other, sesame seeds, scallions, a quail egg, and half of a fried dumpling called mandu.

The “Friends Set” also came with a paper bag of tempura-fried sweet potato, shrimp, squid, cheese, and another dumpling. I forgot to take a picture of it, but you can see what the “Deep Fried Set” looks like on the menu.

Finally, it came with sundae, but not the kind you’d get at Carvel on your birthday! Sundae is a chewy, savory Korean blood sausage, and this was my favorite part of the meal. Call it morcilla, black pudding, or just plain old blood sausage, I am always a fan of this savory treat, even if it may seem weird or intimidating to the uninitiated. Maybe I have a bit of of Goth in me, but I think it is always delicious, no matter which culture or cuisine makes it. Korean sundae (which I believe is pronounced “SOON-day”) is made with pork blood, glass noodles, and glutinous rice, and it had a moist, almost sticky texture, especially with the chewy natural casing. Sprinkling on the included mixture of salt spiked with dried chili flakes made it even more flavorful. The thinly sliced, light-colored meat in the top right of the sundae tray is intestine, but I’m not sure if it was beef or pork. I ate it, and it was fine, but I’ve enjoyed grilled intestines at Argentinian and Korean restaurants before that ended up with a more pleasant crispy texture from the grilling process.

I don’t think I’ll return to JAWS Toppoki anytime soon, but that’s mostly because I have no desire to return to H Mart anytime soon. It is probably worth visiting once if you’re the least bit curious, but even though it’s a really nice Asian supermarket, Orlando is very lucky to have many other nice Asian supermarkets, and none of them are as crowded and chaotic. Lotte Plaza Market has a (much smaller) food court, but was probably the largest and “nicest” before H Mart opened. My usual go-to, iFresh Market, is the current home of the wonderful Meng’s Kitchen. And then we also have Enson Market, New Golden Sparkling Market, Phuoc Loc Tho (my first-ever Asian market from when I first moved to Orlando in 2004), the “OG” Dong A Market, Eastside Market, and even more.

And even if you’re craving Korean street food, we have plenty of other local restaurants where you won’t have to navigate that intense, insane food court.

Fiesta Cancun

Fiesta Cancun (https://fiestacancunfl.com/) is a beautiful, festive, casual Mexican restaurant in Altamonte Springs. It is tucked off the beaten path at 260 Douglas Avenue, just off busy Semoran Boulevard (State Road 436) and a minute from I-4 exit 92. You can’t see it from Semoran, but turn onto Douglas, and it will be on your left before you hit the Waffle House on the left and the Cracker Barrel on the right.

The dining room is so colorful and fun, it is hard not to get swept up in a celebratory spirit and feel like you’re on vacation. I blacked out the faces of nearby diners to preserve their privacy, but you can still tell that the vibes are super-festive.

I’ve said this before, but whenever a Mexican restaurant offers aguas frescas, I know we’re going to be in for good, authentic food. I got a passion fruit agua fresca (one of my favorite flavors of anything), and my wife chose jamaica (hibiscus flower). The glass mugs were huge, but our bill said they cost $7.50 each, and refills cost extra! (The menu says they cost $4.25 each, so maybe they did charge us for refills.) As much as I love it, I’ll stick to water in the future and not drink my calories.

The fresh, free tortilla chips were fine after adding a little salt, and the table salsa was fresh and bright-tasting. But even better, Fiesta Cancun offers a salsa bar, which was a real treat to me.I love a salsa bar, and it is one of the many reasons I’m such a fan of Las Carretas. I appreciated that Fiesta Cancun had handwritten signs posted above each salsa explaining what each one was, and what the ingredients were.

Top row:
Sliced onions with habanero peppers, tomatoes, and lime juice
Spicy molcajete sauce with serrano chiles and onions
Spicy taquera sauce with avocado, serrano chiles, onions, cilantro, and mayonnaise to make it creamy

Bottom row:
Spicy red sauce with chiles de arbol, tomatillos, and onions
Non-spicy salsa verde with tomatillo and cilantro (the only one my wife wanted anything to do with)
Spicy Jalisco sauce with chiles de arbol, serrano chiles, tomatillos, and onions

They all looked so good, and of course I tried them all! They have plenty of tiny plastic cups for you to fill.

My wife was craving a good taco salad in a crispy fried shell. This one included shredded iceberg lettuce, a healthy dollop of guacamole, and pico de gallo and sour cream on the side. I availed myself of the pico, since I am a giant fan of the stuff, and she doesn’t care for onions or tomatoes. You can choose between ground beef, shredded beef, and shredded chicken with the taco salad, but I didn’t see any meat in the photo, and I don’t remember which one my wife ordered.

I had studied the large menu in advance, and I was so excited to see that Fiesta Cancun offered cochinita pibil, a dish from the Yucatan Peninsula that is sometimes called puerco pibil. It consists of citrus-marinated, slow-roasted pork with a complex array of spices and flavors, cooked until it is fork-tender. I am always inspired to order it whenever I see it on a menu thanks to the 2003 action movie Once Upon a Time in Mexico, in which Johnny Depp’s antihero also ordered the dish whenever he encountered it. The DVD extras (remember those?) included badass writer-director-composer Robert Rodriguez demonstrating his own recipe for puerco pibil*, which I made for a work potluck once. It was a labor-intensive recipe, and my version came out great, but my old co-workers were a tough crowd that didn’t share my enthusiasm. My old director actually had the audacity to tell me I should not have wasted so much time making it, and she wouldn’t even try it! To make a long story short, the cochinita pibil at Fiesta Cancun was dry! I know, right? I was disappointed, but I still ate it, and jazzing it up with the various salsas helped immensely. The black beans were fine, and I did love the rich Mexican rice and tangy-sweet, crunchy, pink pickled onions. I wouldn’t order it again, but I wasn’t even mad. I was still having a grand time.

I had also ordered a chile relleno off the a la carte menu, intending to have it later, but I busted into it to make up for the dry pork. I apologize for not photographing a cross-section of the battered and fried poblano pepper stuffed with melty cheese, but I honestly liked it a lot more than the cochinita pibil. I would totally come back and try other things on the menu, but I’d get that chile relleno again too.

I couldn’t take my wife to a Mexican restaurant and not order her churros or sopapillas! This time, the churros won out. The fried dough sticks were covered with cinnamon and sugar and came with a chocolate dipping sauce.

So even though I was disappointed by my cochinita pibil, I would still return to Fiesta Cancun and try other things in the future, if I was ever in Altamonte with people who wanted Mexican food and fun surroundings. You might have already noticed how vast the menu is, and how they offer a lot more seafood dishes than most Mexican restaurants, which makes sense, given that Cancun is a coastal city on the tip of the Yucatan Peninsula. I think it would be a crowd-pleaser for most groups. If you’ve been there before, what are your favorite dishes on the menu, and what should I try next time?

*By the way, I’ve been a fan of Robert Rodriguez ever since I first saw his $7,000 self-financed independent debut El Mariachi back in the early ’90s. As much as I’ve enjoyed most of his movies, his coolest career moment might be when he says in the above video “Not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck.” Spot on. I also love his advice about learning to cook your two or three favorite dishes very well and making a little restaurant-style menu for your kitchen, to the point where you could always offer a few house specialties to guests with minimal notice or prep. That’s entertainment!

Thailicious

Thailicious (https://thailiciousfl.com/) is a very casual Thai restaurant in the suburbs of Longwood. The building looks like a house, complete with outside tables on a covered, screened-in front porch. My wife and I have gone three times so far, and we really like it, enough to already consider ourselves semi-regulars. I want to work our way through the entire menu, but their dishes are so good, it is hard to not default back to past favorites.

My best advice for going for dinner is to arrive early, because it always gets super-busy. The people of Longwood know what’s good, and they also may not want to drive far and wide for newer, trendier Thai restaurants, knowing they have a wonderful, well-kept secret in their own back yard.

On all of our visits, my wife starts out with sweet, cool, creamy, slightly smoky Thai iced tea, her beverage of choice:

She usually orders summer rolls, one of her go-to favorites at any Vietnamese or Thai restaurant. Thailicious’ version comes with shrimp, rice noodles, carrots, and Thai basil leaves, wrapped in fresh rice paper for a chewy texture and served with a sweet peanut sauce.

On our first visit, we also ordered a crab rangoon appetizer, just for the heck of it. I hadn’t had crab rangoon in years, probably not since the days of the all-you-can-eat China Jade buffet on East Colonial Drive near Fashion Square Mall, but these were better than I remembered. They were fried to crispy perfection, not greasy or heavy at all, with sweet cream cheese inside (but nary a hint of crab, as usual).
These were so good, we got them again on our third visit.

The first time in, my wife ordered her go-to noodle dish, pad Thai, since we are now on a quest to discover all the best versions of pad Thai in and around Orlando. This was one of the best versions either of us have tried around here. The rice noodles were sauteed with pork (but you can also choose chicken, tofu, or beef or shrimp for a small upcharge), eggs, ground peanuts, bean sprouts, and green onions. The sauce was actually kind of tangy and citrusy for a change. A lot of places serve pad Thai that is too sweet, and it never has that tangy funk that I love.

I ordered my own go-to noodle dish, pad kee mao, also known as drunken noodles. These are wider, flatter noodles, sauteed with onions, bell peppers, carrots, zucchini (a nice touch that nobody else seems to add), fresh basil (so important to the overall flavor of this dish), and scallions, and I asked them to hold the bean sprouts. I also got pork as my meat of choice, and it was a wise choice. This was a delicious version of drunken noodles. The dish is always sweet, but I ordered mine medium-spicy, because I like my Thai noodles like I like my women, sweet and spicy. Next time I’ll try Thai-spicy, now that I know I can more than handle the medium-spicy baseline.
Well, my wife was brave enough to try the drunken noodles, and she loved them so much that she ordered them (mild, of course) on our second visit, and again on our third! I tell ya, this dish is a crowd-pleaser. If you’ve never tried them before, either at Thailicious or your Thai restaurant of choice, give them a chance, and you won’t be sorry. She wasn’t.

I tried something completely new and different on our second visit: a noodle curry dish from northern Thailand called khao soi, made with egg noodles, napa cabbage, pickled sweet peppers, and pork (instead of chicken or tofu). The noodles came in the creamy, medium-spicy curry kind of like a thick soup, and our very friendly and patient server gave me chopsticks with it, utensils you don’t usually get at Thai restaurants. It was nice gambling on a brand new, unfamiliar dish and enjoying it so much. I’d totally order it again, but that would also defeat my purpose of making my way through the Thailicious menu, as I intend to do in the months and years to come.

Get ready for the noodle pull!

It was so good, it inspired me to start ordering this dish elsewhere, to compare other restaurants’ versions to the first khao soi I’ve ever had here at Thailicious. You know what they say: You never forget your first time!

Then we got coconut sticky rice for dessert on visit number two, which we never order, but we loved it so much that we wondered why. What a delicious, sweet treat, especially topped with a huge scoop of creamy coconut ice cream! We haven’t been living right, avoiding sweet sticky rice, but better late than never.

On our third visit, I ordered the laab gai, a dish of ground chicken seasoned with lime juice, shallots, roasted rice powder, and scallions, served at the hot spice level, on a bed of fresh, crunchy iceberg lettuce. I am still relatively new to laab (sometimes called larb) after being introduced to an incredible version with ground pork at Isan Zaap Thai Cafe last year and then trying a chicken version at Lim Ros Thai Cuisine earlier this year. I would rank this one between the two.

I also got the spicy basil from their traditional spicy Thai dishes menu, with sautéed pork, sweet basil leaves, onions, zucchini, and red and green bell peppers, at a hot spice level. It came with a bowl of jasmine rice on the side, which I mixed in to soak up the delicious flavors. They always get the pork so tender here at Thailicious. In fact, not only are the flavors fresh and strong, but everything is the perfect consistency.

It was delicious, but I always return to noodle dishes, so I’ll give the edge to the fabulous drunken noodles, pad Thai, and that amazing khao soi from visit #2. Now that I’ve written a review with a good bit of variety, I will start returning to those old favorites, because I will definitely return to Thailicious.

Orlando has several Thai restaurants, many of which are new, hot, and trendy. This Longwood mainstay isn’t hot or trendy, but it is so damn good, without any pretension or attempts to be the new influencer-illuminati destination. That makes me love it even more. It’s a friendly neighborhood sort of place with next-level food, comfortable booths, and warm and welcoming service. Just don’t get there too late on Friday or weekend evenings, because the locals know what’s good, and you will have to wait!

Woodlands

Woodlands (http://www.woodlandsusa.com/) is a vegetarian Indian restaurant on South Orange Blossom Trail, very close to my favorite Indian restaurant, Bombay Street Kitchen (which is not strictly vegetarian). That area is pretty far from me, so one day I went for lunch on a weekend while my wife was getting her hair cut and colored, knowing that whole process would take a few hours.

Woodlands specializes in dishes from Udupi, a town on India’s southwestern coast. Since I went alone and was a little intimidated by the menu, I ordered a few things, fully expecting to end up with lots of leftovers to bring home. I started with a tall glass of cool, tangy, sweet, creamy mango lassi:

I don’t even remember ordering this, but it is a soup called rasam, described on the menu as “Traditional South Indian Sour’n Spicy Soup.” The sour ‘n spicy aspects would have appealed to me, especially since I was ordering several carb-heavy dishes to come. It is made with tomatoes and tamarind and garnished with chopped cilantro leaves. I think I got it planning to dip the various baked and fried breads in it, not realizing that they would come with their own li’l dipping cups.

These doughnut-looking fritters are medju vada, which are like savory fried doughnuts made with lentils. They were served with coconut chutney (top) and sambar (bottom), a soup of lentils, vegetables, tamarind, and various spices.

These were paneer pakora, lightly spiced fritters stuffed with homemade Indian cheese called paneer. These were about the size of fried ravioli. For those who haven’t tried paneer, it is kind of a dry, firm, crumbly cheese that doesn’t get melty like mozzarella. It is similar in texture to feta, but firmer (and a lot less salty and pungent), and also similar in texture to tofu.The darker sauce is actually brown, and it is sweet, sticky, tangy tamarind chutney. The green sauce was a delicious mint cilantro chutney that had a bit of heat.

This was the onion rava dosa, which was different from smoother-textured dosas I’ve ordered elsewhere. It is a thin, crispy crepe made of cream of wheat and rice, grilled with onions and mildly spicy chilies. It has been too long since my visit, but now I’m wondering if I got the onion rava masala dosa, which is the same thing but stuffed with potatoes and onions. For a dollar more, that’s probably what I would have ordered! Anyway, it was awesome, and I could use one of these right now.

This was garlic naan, soft and fluffy bread baked in a clay oven called a tandoor. If you’ve ever had Indian food anywhere, you have probably tried naan, and you know how delicious it is. And garlic only makes things more delicious!

These were large, fried puffy bread called batura. They are often served with stewed chickpeas as chana batura (including at Woodlands), but these were on the bread menu without the chana. They are awesome, no matter where you order them from. Anyone remotely skeptical about trying Indian food would love these. Go ahead, take those batura.

Boy, I really carb-loaded at this meal! This is what I get for going alone on a whim, without having studied the menu in advance, and without having more experienced Indian food lovers joining me. Writing about this meal so many months later, I was reminded of the cafeteria at the Hindu Society of Central Florida in Casselberry, one of the greatest hidden treasures in the entire Orlando area. Guided by a knowledgeable friend and joining other friends, that was the first place I ever tried vada, dosa, sambar, and coconut chutney, many years earlier. I guess I defaulted to familiar favorites at Woodlands.

But to wrap up this review, Woodlands is one of Orlando’s best-known and best-loved Indian restaurants, and I guarantee that you won’t miss meat if you go there, with all the delicious, flavorful vegetarian options to choose from. I love meat, but I was overwhelmed by all the choices, and I really enjoyed everything I tried. Whenever I make it back (and who knows when that will be), I would love some suggestions of what to order next time!

The ‘Dines List 4: Sketches of Spain

This is my fourth installment of The ‘Dines List, a series of rambling reviews that extol the virtues of sardines and other tinned seafood, which I eat quite often. The goal is to review new and interesting tinned fish and shellfish I discover in my travels (or friends send me as gifts), and also to win over the sardine-skeptical. Sardines in particular are very healthy due to being pure protein and full of omega-3 fatty acids. They are mostly environmentally friendly since they are tiny little fellers who are low on the food chain. And they are surprisingly delicious — far tastier and less “fishy” than the uninitiated might think.

A few years back, sardines started going viral for being “hot girl food” (check that Vogue article if you don’t believe me!), which really raised their profile and made these humble little fish both trendy and sexy. Well, I am neither hot, nor a girl, nor sexy, and rarely am I trendy, but I’ve been flying my fish flag since I was a poor college student decades ago. Now I eat them because I like them, not because I have to. I guess I’m just ahead of my time, like with the whole loving superheroes thing, ever since I was a little kid in the early ’80s, long before they were cultural icons. Awww, I’ll never be a cultural icon.

(But good grief, there is already some backlash against the whole tinned fish trend, and I blame the criticism on the fact that women have embraced it. Let people — and especially women — enjoy things! Be curious, not judgmental!)

Anyway, back in 2021, I wrote my first riveting installment of The ‘Dines List, which I titled Canned Sardines 101, listing and reviewing some of my favorites and providing advice and recommendations for the ‘dine-curious. Then I started getting geographical with The ‘Dines List 2: Mission to Morocco!, where I only reviewed Moroccan sardines, and The ‘Dines List 3: Postcards from Portugal, where I only covered Portuguese tinned seafood. As you might guess, these countries along the Mediterranean Sea have huge fishing and canning industries, as well as a culture and tradition of dining on ‘dines. I wrote about Portuguese sardines way back in March 2023, so it was only fitting that I’d get around to Spanish sardines and other tinned seafood eventually. Spain and Portugal produce the most serious gourmet tins, and I’ve been trying as many different varieties as I could in the meantime. So with all due respect to the legendary Miles Davis, welcome to The ‘Dines List 4: Sketches of Spain.

I found Vigo hot spiced sardines in sunflower oil at Mazzaro’s Italian Market in St. Petersburg, a place I always recommend and rave about. As sardines and other tinned seafood have become more popular and trendy, Mazzaro’s has dramatically increased its tinned seafood selection with a lot of higher-end Spanish and Portuguese brands that you won’t find at everyday supermarkets. These Vigo sardines are some of the cheaper ones at Mazzaro’s, for $2.99. I’ve also seen them at Walmart, but just the big Supercenter near me, not the smaller Neighborhood Markets. Does anyone else think of Vigo the Carpathian coming alive inside the painting in Ghostbusters 2, whenever they see this Spanish food brand? No? Just me? It can’t just be me!

Once I drained most of the oil, these definitely weren’t as pretty, so maybe you get what you pay for. I either ate these bad boys straight out of the tin or dumped them on top of a salad. I recall them being perfectly okay, but I’ve had better — read on to see some of them!

I bought these La Española sardines in “oil – spiced & piquant” at Bay Cities Italian Deli & Bakery, an awe-inspiring Italian market and deli in Los Angeles’ beautiful Santa Monica neighborhood. Bay Cities is a West L.A. icon that has been open since 1925. I bought several sandwiches and a bunch of snacks there on a work trip in April 2025, including a few different La Española tins, since I’ve never seen this brand for sale anywhere in Florida. That way I had food for my hotel room and for work lunches, since I never rent a car in Los Angeles. At some point, I’ll get around to writing a Bay Cities Italian Deli & Bakery review, because it deserves one.

These were larger sardines — firm and meaty, not super-spicy, but just fine for eating out of the tin in a hotel room like the most depressing film noir antihero ever. I don’t remember finding the pickle and carrot slices pictured on the outer box, but they may have been under the ‘dines.

These Jadran sardines with hot pepper are interesting, because they seem to be harvested from the Adriatic Sea (between the boot of Italy and Croatia), but the box specified they are a product of Spain — perhaps processed there. I think I bought them at either the huge International Food Club out on L.B. McLeod Road off John Young Parkway (a super-fun place to browse and discover treasures) or at Tima’s House, the small Euro-Balkan market in Longwood.

They weren’t the prettiest sardines ever, but I have plenty of silvery beauties coming up:

I added them to a nice salad, so isn’t this a work of art? Dig the jammy hard-boiled eggs and beautiful pickled onions I made myself.

I’m pretty sure I picked up these Serrats small sardines in olive oil when they were on sale at our friendly neighborhood Fresh Market, because I don’t like paying full price for the fancy Spanish and Portuguese sardine brands.

These were attractive, silvery fish, packed tightly and beautifully in their tin. (I had already drained the oil here.) I think more people would like sardines if they all looked this nice and orderly, since people eat with their eyes. But did they taste good?

I served them on some lightly toasted Cuban bread with more of my homemade pickled onions from a different batch and some sliced tomatoes. As you can see, they fell apart a bit as I removed them from their tight tin, but these were very good.

Fresh Market is where I’ve bought the vast majority of my Matiz sardines as well. I am nuts for lemon desserts, but not as big on lemon in savory dishes. Still, I had to try these Matiz wild sardines with natural lemon essence.

Trust me, they looked a lot less blurry in real life. I don’t recall them tasting super-lemony, which was fine with me, but they didn’t make a strong impact on my memory, which means they weren’t mind-blowingly amazing or mind-blowingly awful. I probably wouldn’t buy this variety again as a result, but I never regret trying anything.

My next Matiz product was their wild spicy sardines with piri piri pepper in olive oil, also from Fresh Market:

My only experience with piri piri peppers so far had been in hot sauce from Nando’s, the South African grilled chicken chain I tried in Chicago and still need to write about. If Nando’s opened locations in Orlando, it would be a license to print money, but you can buy Nando’s piri piri-based hot sauce (they call it peri peri there) and “Perinaise” at Publix and Fresh Market. Just one look at these ‘dines made me think they would have a nice, vinegary, tangy bite to them.

I had these with some rice after draining most of the oil, and sprinkled them with some crispy fried jalapeños. They were a great little lunch, and barely spicy at all on their own. The little included pepper is usually like an empty sack of seeds and never terribly pleasant to eat, but do I try every time? YUP!

I had an even better feeling about these Matiz wild small sardines with sweet piquillo peppers, because I always think smaller sardines taste better and have better textures than the larger ones, and piquillo peppers make everything better.

They looked nice and silvery in the tin after I drained most of the oil.

I don’t even remember what kind of dark, crusty bread I ate with these little ‘dines, but I spread some cream cheese underneath them. They were excellent, and for a change, the little peppers were pleasant to eat. I always appreciate a piquillo pepper, though.

I liked these so much that I tried another tin on a different nice salad:

A while back, an old friend mailed me these Donostia Foods sardines in spiced sauce, and I knew they would be awesome. She runs The Back Yard restaurant and bar in Baltimore and started their imported gourmet tinned seafood program, which sounds like a big hit.

I knew that despite a nondescript box, these would be special sardines because they included olive oil, tomato, carrot, cucumber, red pepper, onion, “spices,” and salt. They were some of the most delicious ‘dines I’ve ever had.

Here they are on a cracker with a wee cornichon from the tin. This was a well-balanced bite of food!

I am lucky to have true and dear friends in my life, and sometimes they even hook me up with tinned seafood. I hope you all have people like this in your own lives. My best foodie friend and his wonderful girlfriend surprised me with these Los Peperetes sardinillas (small sardines), which he had read raving reviews about. She was already in Spain, and he sent her on a special mission to track these down for me. Can you imagine going to that trouble for someone you haven’t even met yet? They are awesome, and so were these Los Peperetes.

Look at how beautifully packed these tiny sardinillas are! Los Peperetes did an artful job.
Even the tiny tails were lightly crispy. Yes, you can eat the tails, and you won’t choke or anything. I like them.

I had to include this photo to show that there was a whole second layer of tightly packed fish below the top layer. It was the gift that keeps on giving! These were really something special. I ate them plain at first, to get the full effect without any other distracting flavors, but I still have one more tin that I’m saving for a special occasion (or maybe a nice treat if we lose power during hurricane season). You can’t ask for better quality sardines than these, or better quality friends than mine!

The same dude surprised me a different time with this assortment of imported Spanish tinned seafood from Conservas de Cambados, which blew my mind. This freakin’ guy! What a mensch! I had never heard of this brand before or seen them for sale locally, but I recently saw them for the first time “in the wild” at the aforementioned Mazzaro’s Italian Market in St. Petersburg. I was absolutely blown away by his generosity and excited to dig into each of these.

There was only one tin of sardines in the box, but I knew they would be great because they were small. Luckily for us, the label tells us the tin contains fish (sardines, in fact)!

This was up there with the Serrats and the Los Peperetes for gorgeous presentation. I definitely think more people would eat sardines if more tins looked like this:

Here they are on some toasted Cuban bread… or maybe this was a Cusano’s hoagie roll, which I make a special trip to Gordon Food Service to buy. There were a bunch of these little guys! I might have added some lettuce, tomato, onion, and a splash of vinaigrette after the photo op, but I wanted to photograph them in an unadulterated manner first.

Wait a minute, ye scurvy scalawag! This next thing isn’t a sardine! I know, I know — it is line-caught Spanish white tuna belly, also from the Conservas de Cambados assortment. I love tuna in all its forms: raw in sushi or poke, seared as a posh appetizer or entree, or even the cheap canned stuff in a tuna salad sandwich or tuna melt. I hardly ever eat canned tuna because of the mercury, and because the smell of regular canned tuna makes my wife gag in a way that sardines (luckily for both of us) do not. But this was a rare and decadent treat, and this was the best place to include it.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but it looked a hell of a lot more appetizing than the cheap “chunk light” tuna in natural spring water that I grew up eating, and packing the fish in oil rather than water makes it smell a lot less offensively fishy.

After draining the oil, I enjoyed it on some toasted Cuban bread with a light slathering of Duke’s mayo underneath. I make really good tuna salad (and chicken salad, and egg salad), but this was such a luxurious product, I didn’t want to dilute the flavor with any other distractions. As you might guess, it was a cut above any canned tuna I’ve ever had in my life. It just tasted rich — not necessarily fatty, but not “fishy” and definitely not dry.

The Conservas de Cambados gift box also included a tin of line-caught Spanish white tuna in olive oil, which I forgot to photograph, but it was also really good, I assure you. And the other tins in the photo above were scallops and two different types of octopus, which I will tell you about later.

As long as we’re talking about delicious Spanish tuna, this is my most recent discovery from Bravo Supermarket, the Latin grocery store chain with multiple locations here in the Orlando area: Conchita Fritada de Atun, or Zesty Tuna Fish Dip. It was essentially a tuna paté blended smoothly with tomatoes, pimento, onions, pickles, “spices,” rice flour, and sunflower oil. It might look like cat food, but it tasted luxurious and was absolute heaven to eat, meow meow. I dipped some toasted pita bread wedges in it, and I loved every moment. It was cheap, too — had to be $2.99 or at most, $3.99. It would be easy enough to make something similar, but this was better than it had any right to be.

Finally, these aren’t sardines either, but huevas de merluza, or hake roe (hake being a whole different kind of fish). I had never heard of this Spanish company Agromar, or even hake, but it turns out they are medium-to-large fish related to cod and haddock, so nothing like the little dudes I’ve been specializing in writing about so far. But I do love fish eggs, whether they are masago (orange capelin roe), tobiko (orangey-red flying fish roe), or ikura (that much larger salmon roe that pops in your mouth like popping boba) in sushi, or caviar, that ultra-decadent delight. And these were spicy too, so how could I not try it? By the way, I bought this at the best place to buy fancy tinned seafood in Orlando, Hinckley’s Fancy Meats in the East End Market food hall. I reviewed Matt Hinckley’s wonderful sandwiches a few years back, and he is definitely a master of smoking and curing meats, making patés and rillettes, and so much more. But since then, he has branched out into curating and selling some very high-end, fancy tinned fish and shellfish from Spain and Portugal, so check out his staggering selection and order some. Yes, he ships!

These definitely didn’t look anything like what I would have expected, though. Not tiny round eggs, and not anything like bottarga, that intensely flavored, decadent, Italian salt-cured roe sac from a grey mullet, either. The box refers to them as “medallones” (medallions), and I guess they look like that… or sliced Vienna sausages. At first, I didn’t know what to think, but I will try anything once!

These hake roe medallions are some serious gourmet shit, and what do I do? Serve them (just to myself, because my wife would have wanted nothing to do with this) on Ritz crackers, which are the best and most versatile crackers. I’ll dip Ritz crackers into smoked whitefish salad or chopped liver, spread them with cream cheese and guava paste, or crush them and bake them into the best buttery-salty-sweet pie crust ever. Or I’ll put hake roe on ’em! Were they tasty? Sure. They weren’t spicy at all, not salty, or even “fishy,” but they were pleasant. Can I describe the texture? No, not really. It really wasn’t like anything else I’ve ever eaten. Am I glad I tried them? You better believe it! Would I get them again? Probably not, only because there is a wide world of seafood out there, and I’d love to try some different impulse buys from the vast selection at Hinckley’s Fancy Meats before doubling back. But if you’re buying the next round, stalwart Saboscrivnerinos, I will happily enjoy some future huevas de merluza tapas with you!

That’s all for now, but I have a huge stash of more sardines and other tinned seafood to review, from Spain and other seas and ports around the world. In the meantime, whether you read this piece while sardines are still in style or discover it long after the tinned trend has come and gone, you can always rely on The ‘Dines List for detailed descriptions and unbiased reviews of humble (and occasionally not so humble) tinned fish. And coming soon, we’ll venture into the wild waters and delicious depths of tinned shellfish, so get ready to see me flexing my mussels.